NEW WEEKLY VOTING INCENTIVE!!! PUCKWATCH!!!
All throughout June, we’ll be paying tribute to Baywatch, that awful show from the 90’s! Because hey, if Hollywood is doing it… Get your beach on and vote for Puck on TWC! And remember, this idea came from THE PATRONS! Patrons on Patreon who pledge $5 or more a month get a personal say in what incentives are coming your way! If YOU want to put your two cents in, then my HEAD ON OVER TO PATREON and join the select club!
VOTE FOR NO HASSLE, ONLY THE HOFF!!!
As for this comic…
For some of you who previously said, “I hope this isn’t where this arc is going,” guess what! It’s going there!
To clarify (because I mentioned it before but it should be said again), what follows is largely autobiographical. The next arc is based on real life experience. Which I suppose you can consider a bit of a spoiler, because yes, Colin comes out the other side okay, because I obviously lived to make this comic. But fear not: for those worrying that this is a tonal shift too drastic for a comic like this, I’ll be keeping it suitably ridiculous as I am usually wont to do.
I learned from TV Tropes that Puck loosely falls into the genre of ‘Life Embellished’, where the core themes and stories are basically based in real life, but there’s a heavy overlay of crazy, wacky crap on top. So sometimes the stories hook more toward the embellishment; other times, they hook more toward life. This one’s just more the latter.
And for the record, the doctor did not offer me monster truck stickers after telling me. I did, though, immediately go out to the toy store and buy a large red Lego truck after the diagnosis. I explained the reasoning to my wife later that night: “Well, today wasn’t all bad,” I said. “On the bad side, I was diagnosed with cancer. But on the plus side, I got a Lego truck.”
Sometimes I have impeccable logic.
You have got to respect a doctor who offers monster truck stickers.
All the best medical professionals do.
Although, on the down side, Colin only gets one measly monster truck sticker. For the manliest of cancer stricken organs and the possibility of an implant, he should take the whole sheet home and share with Miranda.
Implants are for vain men who lack confidence in their manliness. A real man can be just as manly with one.
Absolutely! And, just to confirm his manliness, he should wear a kilt.
Ew.
Oy, I did say “possible” in one of the universally accepted varieties, did I not?
My gastro gives out Spider-Man stickers.
Well, maybe spidey sense is just gastric reflux. Makes sense.
@EG
“Gastric Reflux?”
Well, I ate some (ok, it was PEOPLE-FOOD – OK !!!!) last Sunday, and my LITTER BOX has seen “Double-Duty” all week.
So don’t tell me about “Gastric Reflux”.
NO WAY !
I demand a second opinion.
Susan, paging Doctor Susan…..
Yes? Okay! And he’s too skinny, too. 😛
Seriously, my bf says he has seen esticular cancer present in such a way, i.e. with unilateral enlargement. But all the patients he personally has been involved with did fine with unilateral orchiectomy with or without radiation. Oh, and he says that there is an even more manly malignancy and told me all about it, but that is just gross
I love gross! Tell us!
Please don’t.
Don’t worry! Yick!
If this the same doctor who delivered Miranda the black eye he got from Puck is fully healed.
Yep. Everyone heals fast in comics and cartoons.
Well how long has it been? Nearly a year?
Yes, in comic time, about a year. In real life, four years.
Well how long does it take a black eye to heal? Surely it would be healed already anyway.
About six weeks. If there is no major hematoma formation, which is rare
So not absurdly fast, then?
Oh no. Not cancer.
Also stickers.
Yep. That’s a perfect summary.
That happened to a neighbor of mine.
When the doc was sizing up the little round prosthesis ball, my friend asked if he could put in two rather than one, for a total of three.
Of course he went on to claim he had three balls, and girls that didn’t believe him had to check…
Why stop at three?
3 is classsy 4 now thats freaky 4 is like my twins balls survived but he didnt 3 is like ehhh i just got one extra
Maybe it’s an even/odd thing. Five could be classy. But crowded.
I should think 5 would induce screaming…
How about going with a few smaller ones, and calling them “mixed nuts”? 😛
I’ll get me coat…
If I had a trophy, I’d give it to you. Well done, sir.
*snicker*
“I learned from TV Tropes that Puck loosely falls into the genre of ‘Life Embellished’, where the core themes and stories are basically based in real life…” If that means that your wife looks anything like Puck, then you are indeed a lucky man.
Kinda? On the same level that I kinda resemble a dark-haired Colin, kinda? A mutual friend initially set my wife and me up in part because of her resemblance to the character, so … yeah.
Is there an IRL Tracee then?
@Buggle
In Real Life TRACEEE ?
purrrrrrrr
@Buggle: No Tracee in real life. She’s based merely on life observations of a certain type of … interesting person, shall we say. So more of an amalgam of acquaintances.
“Is there an IRL Tracee then?” Hundreds of them, unfortunately 😛
This entire arc is very sobering.
Meant for that go at the bottom – the comments section is very buggy lately!
Sorry about the buggy comments. I switched the site over to PHP 7 for a little bit because I was told by people that it would make it cooler and faster. It did seem to speed things up, but it also seemed to make it so that the comment section spat back errors a lot. I switched it back to the old, outdated PHP and now it’s all working again.
Note that I don’t even know what ‘PHP’ really is, so I guess I deserve whatever punishment I get for messing with it.
I suspect authors of PHP are not exactly sure about it either :-). But otherwise, it’s programming language.
“This entire arc is very sobering” Which is why most healthcare providers drink. And abuse other substances
You can borrow my absinthe if this arc hits too close to home.
@Buggle
Can I “borrow” your Absinthe, too ?
I’m going to need it if I follow through with “Massaging Baldie’s Danglers” with my paws as EG suggests I do.
I am attached to my human pet, but there are LIMITS, PEOPLE !!
You won’t be able to find lumps if you’re drunk, but go ahead.
@Buggle: Thanks, but my household provisions provider buys Scotch by the case (Dewar’s, in case anyone wonders)
Sorry to hear you had to go through cancer. Glad to hear you made it through (and let’s hope it won’t come back!)
To be honest, I would have done the same thing if I was diagonsed with cancer (well, maybe not buy a Lego truck but I’d still buy something I wanted).
Kinda a shame you didn’t go with him asking for a Gravedigger sticker but oh well.
Nothing beats Gravedigger.
That’s rough. Of course, just because something is “treatable” does not mean you will survive. https://xkcd.com/931/
Though according to Wikipedia, shnesticular cancer has one of the highest survival rates.
Though Colin will definitely lose a ball.
And at this point, most of what I know about cancer comes from webcomics. Ah, to live through the exploits of others, who make webcomics (or blog) about it. The marvels of the modern world.
Well, mine was ‘in situ’, which means it was pretty much entirely contained and hadn’t really spread at all. And with TC, the odds of beating it, even when it metastasizes, are high. Turns out that shnesticular tissue doesn’t actually survive well inside the body, which makes it extra susceptible to radiation or chemo killing it. They think it might have to do with temperature. Shnesticles like things cooler than body temp, which is why they’re down there in the first place.
Yeah, that sounds like it makes sense.
Hey, you edited my spelling because I forgot that for some stupid reason the website maturity rating or something goes up when you use certain words which are actually correct medical terms, didn’t you? It’s not just me going crazy or my iPad’s annoying auto spell right?
Went back and read the reason, and I was right, it was stupid, not your reason for changing it, but the reason for you having to do it in the first place. But you are right, you can’t win, so it’s best not to argue, I will however, think silly things about those people, and that makes me feel better.
It’s very, very stupid. Very. But whatever. It’s not people; rather, it’s the bots that those people rely on to scan the internet for them. But whatever. It’s a flawed system and I just have to work within their constraints.
I learned that a while back when I brought up something that was clearly a medical term for something in the same region that was flagged and blocked until Gecko brought it back in an edited form.
It’s so stupid. I am the first to admit it. But when we’re in Stupidland, we all get to wear the national dress.
And that is?
Why not just say ‘gonads’?
Oh, please note that I left off the pronoun because of your jumped up I.D. 10 Tango dork of a leader could make puck go away if the author may possibly end up in jail because of a problem with publishing stupid pronouns.
As my eyes scanned down and across the promo image below the comic, for a moment it read something about “This Week’s Voting Incident” . . .
Sounds monumental and newsworthy now!
Sheesh, no wonder you previously mentioned some “unpleasantness in the Admiral’s region” before. I’m glad you pulled through and that Colin will pull through, because damn, cancer isn’t pleasant to deal with for anyone. My mom had cancer in her stomach region, and even though it’s been cut out and she’s on chemo now, things were NOT pleasant for a while. At least she’s home and around the people who care about her, and she’s on the upturn, so that’s a good thing.
Oh, and I guess this means you’re going to be drawing Colin bald sometime next year, and for a few years after. Unless he gets a wig. Will he get a wig? I hope he doesn’t get a wig. From personal experience, I know men look fine without hair. 🙂
Sorry to hear about your mom. Good to hear that things are going well.
Not all cancer is treated with chemo; I didn’t get chemo. As it was, I didn’t need radiation or chemo, because the tumour was entirely contained. I was lucky. (And Colin will be lucky too.)
Yeah, well, I actually learned something from her doctor. Apparently, there’s a small amount of carcinogenic material in male junk juice, and “cleaning it out” can help prevent types of cancer in the male reproductive system.
Which is another reason to use protection; not only does it prevent pregnancy and disease, but also reduces the risk of cancer. So, yeah, learned something new there.
Since becoming a parent, I’ve come to realize that all adults in service-oriented positions, professional or otherwise, seem to have stickers on them at all times. Everywhere I go with my son, be it the grocery store or a doctor’s appointment, staff are pulling out sheets of stickers the moment they see us. It makes me feel like I too should always be carrying around stickers, to harness their strangely soothing power in uncomfortable situations.
My boss doesn’t have stickers. She’s a GYN surgeon, so, as she put it, they would have to be put in places where they would be endangered by a bikini wax.
She does have candy. Boring, pinwheel mint candy. She doesn’t mind then if the employees swipe them as we would then have nice fresh breath.
Candy works too. Better for the refined crowd.
Stickers are magic. Their power of persuasion does not seem to wane, even in this era of digital excitement for children.
@EG
When the Vet SLASHED mine off, do you think I received any STICKERS ?
Come to think of it, Baldie was the one who paid for that mutilation.
So screw it.
If he loses his, too, I call PAYBACK !!!
I have had two friends that died of TC, mainly because they got it as a kid, and it metastasized. I have also had friends with ballectomies and have lived with no further occurrences of cancer. All lived in Hamilton. I wonder if it’s something in the water…
On the positive side, Hamilton is lucky to have the Juravinski Cancer Centre – one of the best cancer hospitals in the world.
Could be. Definitely could be the water.
Or soot in the air? Chimney sweeps used o get it.
There’s certainly a lot of soot in Hamilton.
Cancer and soot are probably both from the steel mills.
I really feel bad for Colin knowing now that it’s cancer. Always the nice guys…
This arc kinda hits home for me seeing that a few years back, I had to have the same procedure done from a cancer scare but fortunately I dodged a bullet.
I think you’re getting ready to take us readers on an emotional rollercoaster, Geck… Hopefully more highs than lows. 😉
We’re going to try for the highs, and make the lows reasonably entertaining. At least that’s the plan.
I like every kind of rollercoaster…. except emotional. 🙁
Making this reference feels wrong considering the issue and that it happened to you (and other commenters’ friends), but at the same time right because Puck…
I guess Colin’s lucky bum was on the cheese, yeah?
(For those who don’t know:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GY5g2fb2En0 first, then
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rRgzcHSNtKk )
I totally forgot about Tom Green. And his cheese bum.
I can’t believe that guy was as big as he was.
I still remember Tom Green. Mostly for when a guy who was born and raised in Canada I know at my editor’s office starts talking about how stupid Americans are.
Yep. He’s a golden example of Canadian stupid. Though I’m not sure he qualifies, given the fact that he’s intentionally stupid. But still, stupid nonetheless.
I know. But it knocks him down a peg when he starts ranting about American celebrities or politics or any number of things, I politely remind him that his country gave the world Tom Green.
WoW.
There’s AMERICAN stupid.
There’s BRITISH stupid.
And now, CANADIAN stupid.
Will the wonders never cease ?
Hope for the best, Colin…well, hope for the least worst.
That’s the best worst we can hope for.
A doctor saying he was wrong? #willingsuspensionofdisbelief 😉
It does happen. Honestly.
They actually do it quite frequently. Heads off malpractice suits, they say, by partially defusing patient anger.
ok, I can believe that. I was promoting a stereotype, but IRL admission of error is a great opening move. #donethat
Monster truck stickers are okay, but in this case I think (dare I say) Dragon BALL Z stickers would have been more appropriate. (Or is that inappropriate? I often confuse the two…)
Low-hanging fruit, I suppose.
(even though it’s the sweetest, and most likely to be turning into beer)
Highly, HIGHLY appropriate, I say.
OMG there are SEVEN dragon balls. Don’t taunt Colin!!!
This just reminds me of my own diagnosis 5 years ago. After visiting the doctor I was in the clinic the next week and my boy was removed. No further treatment afterwards, as my doctor said that he sees enough problems with chemo afterwards that he has to deal with, so we had a wait and see approach with regular checking.
Exactly the same with me. They say that lots of TC is like that: it often is caught before it spreads, and doesn’t require any treatment beyond surgery. They also say that because of that, lots of guys never even tell the people around them. I certainly didn’t make it public knowledge.
Also, consider that it’s not obvious that something has happened to the boys to the outside viewer unless you see the man naked on a regular basis for any given reason (not all of them in the bedroom; I’ve used a gym shower when I used the gym when still in the military, and you got used to seeing other guys’ dangly bits. Moreso if you worked out with the same guys on a regular basis). And even then, most men wouldn’t ask; how could you brooch the subject? It’s not like you can go up to another man at the gym and mention you noticed when he was changing that one of his boys is considerably larger than the other without it being awkward, and most men try to avoid being awkward if at all possible.
ok, ok, O-KAY !!!
This arc has made my human pet BALDIE very nervous now.
Due to his excessive consumption of Donuts, it’s been a while since he could actually observe his thing-a-ma-bobs directly.
And Janet wants nothing to do with them.
So he asked me to grab his Smart Phone and take pics. YUCK !!!
So please, how long does it usually take for the danglers to go aberrant ? Because I DO NOT wish to take pics more often than necessary.
Despite the STARKIST BONUS promised.
(Some things you just can’t un-see.)
They say to check once a month. Though feeling them is the best way. You’d have to massage them with your paws.
@EG
“massage them with my paws”
Well, that sounds entirely reasonable….
WHAT AM I SAYING ! IS THERE NO DEPTH OF DEPRAVITY I WON’T SINK TO FOR TASTY TUNA ?
On the other hand, if TRACEEEEE required someone to check for lumps, I may be convinced to help the poor dear.
I am a genuine gentleman.
Is that the next arc ? Testing the female cast for health issues ?
‘Cause that would be
so excitinga true public service and totally worthy of the #1 Scientific Web Comic.Yes yes yes yes…..
And who knows what afflictions could affect a female devil’s barbed tail ! I’d like to find out.
(I’m going to save EG some time)
NO you
perverted, horny, and awful silly cat !We’ll have none of your horrid suggestions.
Now go find some fuzzy blankies to crawl under, take a nap, and re-think how awful you are !!Women are luckier than men, part 3579 (#1 is “We live longer”) Our “girls” are right under our noses. And they get checked all the time, for free. My bf had a comment on the organs that are the real analog to their “boys,” but I won’t repeat it cause it is gross and true.
discovered Puck today. Binged all the way from #1 – #396 in the course of a few hours. This has been a successful day. (other activities of note for today are woke up and put on pants. Still successful.).
On the one hand, I’m happy you enjoyed the comic. On the other hand, I always find it a little sad that years of work can be read in a matter of hours. But oh well. C’est la vie.
Hmm… Something that can only be learned through experience – hard experience. That would make you the man who knows too much.
(Just don’t go cheating at the Tour de France…)
I won’t. I don’t even own a bike!
As the #1 Scientific Web Comic, I have a thought….
Human Beings have several symmetrical external components.
Dual Eyes and Ears provide Stereoscopic senses.
Dual Arms and Legs are very functional.
But Dual Nostrils ? Must be aesthetic only.
Dual Breasts are aesthetic and very useful when there are dual babies.
So down to the matter at hand: DUAL JEWELS ?
Why ? Aesthetics can’t be major reason. Perhaps, historically, it is very common for one to be damaged ?
And how about, not a prosthetic, but an actual TRANSPLANT from another Male. Would it continue to produce the Donor’s DNA, and thus any children would biologically be those of the Donor ?
Questions, Questions….
@Salem: You are right about neprotoxic materials such as ethylene glycol, but you are ignoring Trauma, which was probably the biggest source of organ loss before life got so chemical and humans didn’t live long enough to get high blood pressure, etc. I have personally seen patients lose a single kidney, eye, schmestis, Oovary, b00b, ear, and other paired organs such as tonsils., to noniatrogenic trauma, not to speak of arms and legs. And if you don’t think spare nostrils aren’t important, you have never had a nosebleed.
@Susan
I knew we could count on you !
😛
@Susan
Most organs are complex chemical factories; difficult to duplicate.
Yet we each carry a Phone with a Camera in it, fully functional, that costs the manufacturer maybe 25 cents.
What a shame there is no method, currently, to interface these Cameras with the Brain.
(I, for one, could totally use a Third Eye on the back of my head)
It’s called “Bilateral Symmetry”, and it’s part of the whole Chordata gig.
CHORDATA
O..M..G
I’m a PHYLUM.
It explains a lot !
I know humans have Dual Kidneys.
Unfortunately if they consume a poison that shuts one down, BOTH shut down !
Nature needs a BACKUP SWITCH so that one is entirely offline until needed.
On a related note, Baldie keeps saying he wants to add a SECOND FREEZER in the basement. He’s really concerned ours could fail and he’d lose a thousand dollars worth of food. Let alone the mess.
Me, meh. Canned Tuna is foolproof !
Sigh.
If I have not caused PUCK to lose 97% of its readers so far, here goes:
Baldie tells me there will soon be SYNTHETIC BLOOD, and the Red Cross will no longer need to beg for donations.
AND recent studies indicate that replacing an older animal’s blood with that of a younger one realizes many health benefits, including improved Immune System, more Energy, and even increased Mental Acuity.
So he wants to start a Synthetic Blood Transfusion Clinic in the Spare Bedroom. And a traveling Food Cart for local Vamps.
This may even be something SATAN is interested in. Maybe EG could give Baldie his Phone Number ?
INCENTIVE: Papa Smurf and Tammy = AWESOME !!!
Glad you approve.
Is that Tammy? I didn’t know her name. She needs a personality transplant or at least transfusion if you ask me. I know, nobody did 😛
She’s not really a character, exactly. We’ve seen her once in the comic. Just once. And yeah, personality would be nice. I will admit she’s short on that.
@EG
Tammy is beautiful !
She may be no TRACEEEE (who is ?), but she’s awfully nice and is a valued employee at FUNDERLAND.
Perhaps EG can find some roles for her.
(I don’t think she’s hiding a tail – her bum is too round)
It’s one thing to hear you have Cancer
It’s another thing to hear that YOUR DOCTOR WAS WRONG
Well, he didn’t say he was certain. He admitted that he didn’t know the cause of the problem. His best guess was wrong, so I’m not going to hold that against him.
@EG
When it comes to an MD being wrong – GOOD.
“I apologize Mr. Nasty-Cat. You don’t have six hours to live – it’s six WEEKS”
Whew…..
Doctors are human. They are wrong a lot. Not always in life threatening ways…but I could tell you stories…
You got a Lego truck, and i got an ad for a 2017 Silverado.
Well, we all get something.
Kernal Klink is reading every strip, every comment.
I wish there was appropriate
punishmentREWARD for him !He already gets the punishment/reward of reading this comic.
Certainly you must agree that Colonel is terribly difficult to spell, along with SERGEANT and LIEUTENANT.
Now, now, we don’t have a SERGEANT or LIEUTENANT in our ranks quite yet, but I am pleading with Colonel Klink to consider, perhaps, becoming a KERNEL instead.
KERNEL is easy to spell, is tasty and healthy.
For you awful, horrible Vegetarians, anyways.
We Felines refuse to eat anything that we can’t chase down and tear apart.
Huh. You think Colonel is hard? Otorhynolaryngologist.
Because Legos are amazing.
IMHO, they are.