True story.
When looking into this ‘too late for an epidural’ thing online, I actually found that it’s yet another one of those totally grey areas of medical science where there’s no such thing as consistency. Some hospitals refuse to administer an epidural to a fully dilated woman in active labour, though other hospitals apparently don’t have that rule and give epidurals whenever the heck they want. Why? No one seems to willingly provide that information.
I can report that the hospital my wife delivered her babies at DID have this rule, and it came into play on her second kid. After they broke her water, the labour was fast (we’re talking Hollywood fast) and the powers that be deemed it too late for an epidural. It sucked, but it did give her eternal bragging rights. She’s now able to say that she’s given birth without any form of pain killer whatsoever, and that’s a big trump card in mom circles. Ever since then, she’ll periodically try to explain the level of pain she felt through creative metaphors, but it’s something mere mortals (men) can’t fully comprehend. I’ll just acknowledge that such things are beyond me, and that she’s a better person than me for having survived it.
FYI, Puck almost never hurls the epithet thrown in panel four, but I thought this was a situation where she was under extreme duress, so all the chips are down. Also, I have to say that I think that the nurse in this comic probably has the worst job in the world. (She was warned in strip 177, but still. Worst job ever.)
July Voting Incentive NOW UP!!!
It’s July, and that means Puck’s pulling out ALL the stops by giving you a voting incentive that has everything you ever wanted! And when we say everything, we mean EVERYTHING!
CLICK HERE TO VOTE FOR PUCK!!!
ALSO…
I realized that I’d really fallen down on the whole incentive availability thing in the store. People have been making a rather large number of purchases made lately, and none of the voting incentives from November of last year onward were available. Shame on me! I’ve made all of those pics (14 in all!) now available for two bucks. Or you can get all the pics for a fiver. (The money, by the way, all goes to the comic to pay for hosting costs, advertising and the like. I promise you that I don’t buy KFC with it. Most of the time.)
Ah Poor Puck labor pains are monstrous. And like your wife I too have mommy bragging rites but for an entirely different reason- I’m allergic! Allergic to the sweet blessed relief of drugs T_T
Also allergic to marijuana! Not like deathly allergic but swell like a freezer burned, left out in the desert butterball turkey blotchy meatball.
I will try and explain the physicality of labor pains tho- take your pinkie and put it in your nostril, then pinch your earlobe. Now try to make them touch. If you manage to do it congratulations you’ve gotten about 70% in the “close enough” scale of labor!
No creative metaphors will do. It’s just beyond us men. (Thank the sweet Lord it’s beyond us men.)
I was doing natural labor until they found my son wasn’t descending. Foot-butt breech, his head jammed and stuck under my ribs.
Contractions were manageable until someone made me sit down. Geeeeez. Until I was made to lie down. I distinctly remember 5 minutes after telling me I’d have to have a c-section (while strapped down and prepped for surgery) I was SCREAMING At my son,”JUST STOP- YOU’RE NOT COMING OUT THAT WAY”…. Geez. More props to anyone forced to stay in bed while in labor.
Let’s put it this way- it went from “OK I can do this” to blinding, “kill me” pain. And I never made it to the worst part!
You echo what my wife reports: at that moment, death seems far, FAR better than getting through the pain. And I think that would have been ratcheted up a few notches with the direction your son was trying to come out. Yeesh!
In Bill Cosby’s stage act he once described his wife during delivery. When the first labor pain hit she,”stood up in the stirrups, grabbed the doctor and shouted ‘Give Me Morphine!'”
On another note, per a woman who has suffered both, passing a kidney stone is the only thing more painful than childbirth.
See, I’ve heard women laugh at kidney stones and say they’re nothing compared to childbirth. Probably depends on the stone. And the kid.
Definitely depends on the stone.
I’ve had the “bad” kind, where it feels like a pebble covered in broken glass is slowly sliding down your sensitive innards. It’s bad, but I’m sure nothing like childbirth.
Then last year I had the kind that made me wax nostalgic for the broken glass kind. Apparently my left kidney had been nursing it for years, and when it finally dropped it was about 1cm in size. When it hit the bottom end of my ureter, where it narrows just before entering the bladder, that was when the fun really began (my urologist says there’s no way in hell it could have fit through there). It totally blocked the junction, and the pressure behind it quickly built, pushing it even harder into a tube too small for it. I’m usually pretty pain tolerant, and stoic in the face of discomfort, but the pain shot up so high that despite my best efforts, I couldn’t *not* vocalize the pain. On the way to the ER I was involuntarily making the kinds of noises you’d make if you were on fire.
So yeah. Ultimately they used a high-tech machine to shatter it with sound waves, which probably would have been even more painful were it not for the general anesthesia.
Well, you get the pain props. I’m not sure that’s the kind of props anyone ever wants to have, but that’s what you get.
I’ve had so many I lost count aeons ago.
They have all been tiny; 3 or 4 hours or agony and they go. I rarely even see them (or feel them leaving).
But big would most likely be fatal without modern medicine.
You forgot a few things from his stage act. He attributed it to Carol Burnett, and she said, grab your bottom lip, and pull it over your head.
And you forgot a bit of his stage bit.
The first contraction hit my wife, pffile
my wife said, ” -oh- ”
I said, ” – push?- ”
The second contraction hit my wife, KA-BLAM!!!
my wife said, “WHHHHOOOOOOAAAAAAA” and she stood up in the stirrups and grabbed my bottom lip and shouted, “I want morphine”
I got daddy bragging rights. I was passing a stone while my Ex was in labor. She got the drugs and I didn’t. And still managed to fetch her whatever she wanted 🙂
Ow. Just … ow.
The mind boggles.
What does he mean by “here is my spine”?
The epidural is given like an IV….. IN THE SPINE.
It’s fun!
the epidural is injected in a particular area of the vertebral spine.
Yep. Like some readers reported, an epidural is a big needle right in the spine. Not … terribly appealing, but seems a little more palatable when you’re desperate.
It is my understanding that the reason many hospitals wont give an epidural after a certain time is the danger of contractions while a dirty big needle is lodged in the spine. There is a level of risk without that as it is…
Yeah, powerful convulsions and big, scary needles in the spine don’t usually mix. I just remember with my wife and our first kid when the anesthesiologist was saying, “Okay now, remain completely still,” and I was thinking “HOW?”
welllll, we all knew what was going to happen when she said no painkillers.
I telescoped this one SO bad.
Just as a for the record thing, the reason some hospitals refuse to give an epidural to a fully dilated woman in active labour is that it is extremely dangerous and can lead to life threatening complications during and after delivery. I am a nursing student and we were just studying this. I can’t speak to the hospitals that will do them, but none of the hospitals in my area will administer an epidural after the baby is at zero station because the epidural can end up damaging mom or the baby.
That does make sense. And really, when you’re driving a needle into a woman’s spine, I’m not sure how safe that could be when she’s in spasms of pain and can’t stay still.
I do not envy her. Nor anyone around her!
I don’t envy Colin. But I also don’t really feel sorry for him either.
When you hover the cursor over the comic it says “Praying to Jesus Jones won’t help you, Puck. You’d do better praying to A Flock of Seagulls.”
I’m not so sure about this. After all, she wants this baby ‘Right Here, Right Now!’
But is there really no place she’d rather be than here? I think she’d like to run if she could. Of course, she couldn’t get away…
Nope, he is wrong. He has no spine.
ZING! That was a good one, actually. Wish I’d used that.
It is yours then.
Yup, the first thing I thought when I saw him saying “Here’s my spine” was “Yeah, take it, he’s not using it…”
The weirdest thing about this is the fact that that obvious joke didn’t occur to me when making this strip. Missed opportunity.
My dad could tell you that the closest male analogue to the birthing process is passing a kidney stone. He described it as “burning, screaming pain that tore at his urethra and burned the entire way out, until the stone finally came out of the urinary meatus. That is where the true torture began.” He later said “After that, I had some idea of what your mom went through when you kids were born.”
And now that I know more about the human body and the composition of body fluids, I can imagine it worse, with the acids in our urine passing through the wounded area caused by the stone.
And yet, it still pales to compare to what a woman goes through when giving birth. My dad passed something the size of a tip of a pencil out his —–. Women pass an infant human. Still no comparison.
BTW, nine comics and counting until the baby must be born. 🙂
I got told by a female doctor that women can’t use childbirth against me. I didn’t pass anything, but I got a very nasty strain of a disease. Felt like I had a food processor in my leg that was on ALL THE TIME. Because it was starting to liquidize my leg. And I dealt with it for a week before I got caught and forced to go to the emergency ward.
I would never wish that on anyone. A week straight feeling like a blender is on puree in my leg, and no medication whatsoever. Made my leg like like a red hot air balloon.
GAH! You win, man. You win.
All respect to the pregnant woman giving birth. Shooting a watermelon out of a garden hose has to hurt. And frankly the pain contest is one no one wants to win.
I just found it amusing that a doctor who gave birth was giving me immunity to women saying I don’t know the pain of childbirth. Hey, gotta find amusement where you can right?
Agreed.
I was role by a friend that she would rather have a baby every year than have another gall stone.
Told
Okay, apparently my comment didn’t show up.
Yeah, didn’t show up. Darn, and I was explaining the closest male analogue to childbirth, too.
It’s a horrifying tale, yet still … like you noted, not exactly analogous.
It’s there now. You used a word that caught my homemade spam catcher. I edited it. It’s all good now!
Okay, good to know; next time I need mention “those organs”, use a euphemism.
Which I find strange; I have to use a euphemism for one medical term, but not the others. 🙂
It makes no real sense, I admit.
Considering what it filters out, it makes a lot of sense.
I wish I could show you my spam folder for comments on this site. It’s hilarious. I last emptied the folder yesterday morning, and since then it’s accumulated 395 garbage messages. Many of them have a lot of comic value to them. They often read something like “Your blog be is highly informative! I am to be wishing I knew about this knowing that you offer before now!” That’s followed by fifteen links to shady sites that sell knock-off Adidas sneakers or something like that.
Until I figured out how to make my own spam filter (about a month ago), I was actually deleting them by hand. They seemed less hilarious then.
LOL. She’s about to “HULK” out. Please Colin get some sack about yourself. It won’t change her current disposition but at least you’ll “take it like A MAN”:D
Let’s just hope Bruce Banner never gets pregnant. (I know it’s a physical impossibility, but so is the Hulk, so you never know…)
She Hulk.
But from what I understand, she doesn’t really ‘hulk out’ like her brother.
My mother had to get an epidural when she had me.
And the nurse was an idiot and turned it off too late. The doctors ended up, as I put it, “using a plunger to get me out.” The result was a slightly conical head (since babies DO have a soft skull that is still hardening after birth) that resolved over time, but it was mostly because she couldn’t feel me coming out.
Then there was my brother. I quote exact words from my dad when my brother was born, “I don’t know what hurt worse, my hand or my leg!” mostly because at the time his leg was broken. I’m just glad men can’t have kids the way women do, it sounds like it would be utter hell pain.
Having witnessed birth with an epidural, I can say that it’s much slower, and the need for … uhm, tools of extraction increases with epidurals. So the birth without the epidural actually went way smoother and quicker. And my wife had a much faster recovery time too. She really doesn’t know which one is worse; both options are awful.
I wouldn’t know so…
My mother had my brother naturally since he was pretty much ready to come right out. My mom had a slower recovery time after my brother because she had surgery to get her tubes tied. Hintity hint hint, one other option for Puck and Collin if they don’t want another kid after this. Then again, Puck will out live Collin anyway.
They don’t tie tubes often anymore. Pretty invasive surgery compared to the male option.
PUUUUUUSH!!!!
I don’t really think she has a choice now.
I wonder if this will be a forceps birth.
It won’t be. I know these things.
That you do, master Gecko. That you do. 🙂
Salad spoons
I’m looking forward to Puck’s first words to Colin. i wonder will it be the almost always reported expectation of starting another one?
Nothing nearly so sweet and positive, I’d say.
Most women won’t consider having sex for quite a wile after giving birth; once burnt and all that. Besides, when they’ve been running around after a crumb snatcher all day, they’re too tired to make the beast and just want to sleep. The way Puck’s carrying on, Colin’s in for a long dry spell.
Dry spells are sometimes needed to curb the threat of too many babies.
I think that Puck will go on the pill after the baby’s born.
Or Colin could get his junk snipped. I bet Puck and Daphne would be right there, mocking his pain the whole way. And the post operation is PAIN. I can attest to the post operation PAIN of getting your junk snipped. Yes, it is outpatient surgery. Yes, it heals quickly. But not even ice and painkillers can totally dampen the PAIN you are in after the anesthesia wears off. I could not sleep the first night after mine was done, because I was kept awake from the pain.
It also takes a week to heal before any “contact” can be had, which can be comedic gold for the comic, two more months before you can go without another form of birth control, and a full four months before you’re essentially firing blanks.
So, yeah, Puck on the pill, or Colin getting the snip, because I know neither is going to be stupid enough to let this happen AGAIN by accident.
Don’t scare me off, man. I have one booked for the fall.
In the words of Tali’Zorah Vas Normandy from the Mass Effect series; It’s totally worth it. Especially for a married man like you. You don’t have to worry disease the way I do, and you have a wife to help keep you supplied with ice. I am not married, and I live alone, so maybe it was worse for me, since I had to get up for my own ice, and it kept melting while I tried to sleep.
And the “no contact” thing was mostly to let the scaring heal. But yes, the two months thing is correct. Don’t quote me on things though; I’m only a former patient. Your doctor will know better.
And don’t believe the “your drive will dampen.” Mine hasn’t; my drive is actually higher now than before.
It’s worth it, Gecko. And so long as its your choice, and not pressure from your wife, you aren’t likely to regret the choice, because you’re in your 30s and already have kids.
And to be honest, I’m more likely to regret my decision than you. The three factors to contributing to regretting the choice are; too young, pressured into it, and no children. I was 27 when I got it done, and I wasn’t dating anyone at the time. The only factor I’m missing is kids, but I’ve never wanted them. If I want to be around kids, I go see my brother; he has 4! So after a few hours with them, while great kids, I’m ready to go home, and remember why I got snipped in the first place.
So for you, so long as the decision was yours and yours alone, you won’t regret. And remember that pain is temporary. While its a vivid memory, that’s all it is; a memory.
It’s worth it for me. Besides, I’ve been through worse. MUCH. WORSE.
Mine was easy, set to snip two weeks after second son was scheduled to drop, he came nearly two weeks later so I saw the Dr. a day after his birth and was skiing home dragging my first born from the sitters a mile and a half on a sled. Helped carry the second son in the next day with my wife walking on snowshoes next to me. Never did use ice. Only problem I had was the newbie Dr. doing the closing didn’t drop the outer tube down the hole before stitching and it got caught in the stitch and bonded to the scar tissue. That hurt like a son of a — when I fell on skiis some time later and pulled it loose. Nothing at all like the amount of work done by my wife on the birthing table, though! Best of luck to yuo on yours.
Ouch. Frightening. Thankfully I have no sleds to contend with round these parts.
Is it too late? If Hitokiri can give you advice as someone who has had one that you should join him, then I can say as someone who has not that you shouldn’t. Self-mutilation is not necessary for managing your fertility.
It’s not necessary. Of course it’s not necessary. But it’s an option. And believe me, dude, after what I’ve been through before, this snip’s going to be a walk in the park.
NFP is a crap shoot. It requires extensive record keeping, use of proper contraceptives and fidelity. In this day and age, you can’t guarantee any of the three. Especially in the single scene, which is where I am.
I will never knock someone for their lifestyle choices unless it endangers others. But for me? I wanted sterility, not managed fertility.
Immediately post-op, avoid all smart-assas, lest ye be referred to as “numb nuts.”
Oh hah.
How about taking up a hobby.
Gecko is a kind of lizard.
Not to be confused with Geico. :p
I don’t even…
Heck with it.
Tell us more.
The whole “labor is excruciatingly painful” thing is a self-fulfilling prophecy/myth. Labor itself is NOT painful, and shouldn’t be, just very uncomfortable. However, fear and anxiety in a laboring mother make muscles tighten and tense, which CAUSES labor to be painful. Thus being afraid of labor makes it painful, and continuing to promote the idea that labor is painful makes women afraid, thus making it painful.
Plenty of women give birth ALL THE TIME without any pain or medication — by staying as relaxed as possible, and not being afraid. The most helpful medication doctors give during labor? Anti-anxiety/sedatives. Epidurals are monstrous, dangerous, and unnecessary, but hospitals love them, because they keep women coming to hospitals to give birth, and that equals big $$.
I have two children — I’m not making this stuff up.
Well, I’m not going to contradict you, seeing as I’m a man. But the last 3,234 women I’ve talked to contradicted you. And being a man, I’m not going to go around saying “Foolish women! The pain was all YOUR fault for having a negative mindset!” Men who say that stuff don’t live long. That said, I’m sure the hype and hysteria over childbirth is a little overblown and contributes to some of the problems.
The royal baby is born it’s a boy.
I really hope they name it something stupid, just to get the rest of the monarchy all angry.
You say men can’t comprehend it, but…, I’ve had women tell me that kidney stones were more painful than delivery. I’ve had kidney stones, and I wished I was dead.
I don’t believe them. Because I’ve had women who have said the opposite. But yeah. I think kidney stones are up there. Depends on the stone, maybe. Also depends on many factors in the birth too.
While giving birth is undeniably harder on the mother, the hospital offers her the option of painkilling drugs. No such option is available to the father. Not even asperin. And my taking it can’t hurt the kid!
One can bring one’s own, I guess.
Hitokori, scientists have discovered a way to make spermatozoa out of bone marrow. Yes, the genetic material in your bone marrow, you’re not out of the stork race yet if you can convince one to try for you.
Horrifying!
Exchanging birthing stories tends to be the ladies’ equivalent to men’s stories about bar fights…
… except there is that factor where they insist it is more painful than anything a man could ever experience, which honestly just comes across as some sort of ego trip. How could they even know whether it is or not? It isn’t like a woman can know what a medically required circumcision feels like. I’m sure most aren’t familiar with the hernia experience either.
In any case, it is just begging to invoke the Four Yorkshiremen sketch.
Once again, Colin shows himself to be a tower of strength. And just right for this comic.
This reminds me of the discussion of pain relief in Coupling and the actual birth. I’m with the guys, pain relief is really good in this circumstance.
Colin is the man. Not a good man, or a strong man. But he is here. And thus, by default, he is the man.
I think that having to go to the dentist while being in the care of a neurosurgeon after a whiplash is very painful. I think that it was two steps below white hot searing in pain and five steps above severely depressive crying episode for causing the eye squirts.
I hope this means Puck is a Jesus Jones fan. A very talented band! 🙂
You better believe it!