THE PATRONS HAVE TAKEN OVER!!!
That’s right! The voting incentive pics are in the hands of the fans! Patrons on Patreon who pledge $5 or more a month get a personal say in what incentives are coming your way! If YOU want to put your two cents in, then my HEAD ON OVER TO PATREON and join the select club!
Right now there’s a nice little Christmas pic for your vote!
As for this comic…
There are some shoes that just need to drop. And this was one of them.
Puck turned into Body Horror so slowly, I almost didn’t notice.
Hollywood was doing Cronenberg for real LONG before Cronenberg showed up.
LONG LIVE THE NEW FLESH
I did not see Tracee Tempting with Tanning Spray (say that three times fast). I don’t know, why… I should have… but I didn’t.
I’m so ashamed
Is difficult to say it out loud with out getting the odd looks.
Well, when you can’t accurately predict the path of total insanity, that means you’re actually healthy in the mind. So … congratulations?
On the other hand, you’ve been hinting at this coming for a while now, so maybe we should’ve seen it coming…?
Tanning spray I think is really pushing it.After all the soul is what truly matters the body is just a vessel Buddhism teaches this by making use of hanging skeletons.
But for SOME people, the soul is contained within the tanning spray.
That’s pretty deep, Greg.
Are you sure you didn’t get body snatched?
Possibly by a Buddhist?
What the … did I do?
Okay, now you’re pushing it – I’m calling it now! Greg White is weird on purpose! He does this to be a troll!
Some vessels are better than others.
Some cars are just rides. Others are statements. Still others are va-va-voom!
From the moment Tracee turned up on her doorstep, Puck has been steadily realizing that perhaps this particular adventure had gone quite far enough.
Maybe. But you always hesitate at least a little before turning.
Always there are two … the Mistress and the Blondywon.
—
More shoes to drop? Little strappy shoes with open toes and heels like insanity?
You know the shoes of which we speak.
I refuse to believe you are using blonde jokes to poke fun of Star Wars when there is that slightly airheaded Mel Brooks spoof SpaceBalls!
As I am hungry right now I seek Yogurt and some Pizza the Hutt…
Airheaded? AIRHEADED? Spaceballs is, in my opinion, one of the most cerebral (and funny) comedies of all time. Even though my wife considers it too stupid to watch. (We agree to disagree.)
I’m a Mog; half man, half dog.
I’m my own best friend.
I’ve never seen Spaceballs, but if it’s anything like Austin Powers, I’ll give it a watch.
I recommend it. If you like Star Wars, it’s definitely worth a watch.
I’m more of a Trekkie, but maybe I’ll check it out. Anything making fun of anything is hilarious in my book.
Space balls is Mel Brooks. Part if it is him making fun of StarWars, the other part of it is him making fun of Mel Brooks!
If you like Mel Brooks movies, it’s well worth the watch!
I said “slightly airheaded” surely you are “old school” enough to realize that “Blazing Saddles” was Brooks’ masterpiece ?
I am aware (and old enough), but deep, deep down, I like Spaceballs more.
Remember how in Tie Fighter, as you climbed the ranks of The Dark Side you got a progressively more elaborate arm tattoo? I can see that kind of thing working for The Blonde Side too, except it’d be a lower back tattoo.
Like a tramp stamp?
Or….
Doest though inquire about the mark of the blondest shrew?
And nothing from the grade 12 English instructor.
I’m sorry I failed you.
Especially when you continued in the rad expansion pack, ‘Defender of the Empire!’ Oh, good memories. Fighting alongside Darth Vader, getting kudos from him. I’ve never been prouder in all my life.
Yeah, exactly like that.
I had to look it up, thinking it was an ’05 release for Xbox or something (which would explain why I never heard of it).
1994. I only had an Atari 2600 at that point.
Sounds like a glorious game.
It was a PC classic. Polygonal as anything, but about the only game that ever gave you the FULL experience of killing rebel scum as the main objective. Being bad never felt so good.
How can enforcing the law possibly be bad? I think that left-wing agitprop is starting to get to you.
What if a law is unjust and oppressive?
I have to say that the game really does serve as a course in groupthink because you do quickly take to the role of Imperial enforcer. You witness traitors turning to the filthy rebel side, and you feel honest surprise and a sense of betrayal. A cool game.
Is there going to be a Ross Gellar / Cheshire Cat joke in the works?
I’ve only seen that episode once, and my eyes STILL hurt from the neon teeth!
The Friends ref is lost on me. Beyond my ability to identify it as a Friends ref.
I went full jeopardy on this man. Just look at the Cheshire cat.
Dear dear dear – if Tracee’s TAN is fake… is her BLONDE fake too? I bet (secretly) she’s a nerdy brunette trying to live down her shame 😮
We’ve already been over this in the text accompanying Puck 366.
Of course. But if you wear the mask long enough, you face will grow to fit it.
We established in Tracee’s very first appearance ever that her tan, her eyelashes and her boobs are likely all fake. “She’s more product now than woman,” as Phoebe noted. Twisted and evil. And yes, this ‘blonde bimbo as dark side of the force joke IS a running gag.
As for her hair, I can GUARANTEE that her blonde is from a bottle. Refer to a recent comic when I note that most 90% of all blondes over the age of twenty are not actually blonde.
“A young frumpy named Tracee, who was a pupil of mine until she turned to blonde, helped the Hollywood elite hunt down and destroy the frumpy girls. She betrayed and tanned your mother.”
You, sir, know the ways of the force.
YOU must learn the ways of frump, if you are to come with me to Howlers.
Is this a speech being given to Miranda? If so, then by whom?
Whomever trained Tracee.
But that would require Tracee having a backstory…
*theater goes dark*
“A long time ago, in a salon far far away…”
*BUH! BAAH BE-BE-BEH BAH BAAAH BE-BE-BE BAAH BAAH! BUH-BUH-BUH BAAA!!*
THE PHANTOM HAIRCOLOR
Turmoil has engulf the neighborhood. The color of certain roots is in dispute…
Yeah, nevermind…
Young Tracee: “Are you a hair dressser?”
Janitor: “No.”
Young Tracee: “They work over at Paul Mitchell, I think.”
@ Buggle
“But that would require Tracee having a backstory…”
We do know she worked at Howlers as a Manager.
Given the large amount of cash Phoebe gathers, we can safely assume Tracee has a plump nest egg as well.
And Satan must pay his, um, er, “Assistant” well so as to lure her away from the highly desirable occupation of being poked and pinched and leered at by hundreds of strangers each evening.
Other than that, Tracee’s catch phrase “Aloha” may indicate Hawaiian origins.
Hmmnn….
If blonde is the dark side, then what does the real dark side think of this? Is her evilness why Satan has fallen for her?
Partially, yes.
//www.puckcomics.com/?comic=puck-119
I had not heard of instant tanning spray prior to reading this comic. That or I somehow suppressed the memory of hearing of such a ridiculous item…
So, Puck’s gonna turn a tanned blonde now? Well then.
This is gonna take a turn for either the awkward, interesting or hilarious. My hope is for all 3!
My hope is all three too. And if you forgot about instant tanning spray, then the world was (briefly) a better place for you. I’m sorry I destroyed that beautiful, delicate ignorance.
I just don’t get the idea of an instant tan – If you want a tan, then why not just go outside for a while?
…
Says the woman who lives in California, realizing her privilege.
Since ’tis the Christmas season, the word “Hollywood” reminds me of the hymn “The Holly and the Ivy,” a hymn which seems to be sung by flauty*-voiced boy choirs at Lessons and Carols at this time of the year, and whose first stanza is sung thus:
The holly and the ivy,
When they are both full grown,
Of all the trees that are in the wood,
The holly bears the crown.
The rising of the sun
And the running of the deer,
The playing of the merry organ,
Sweet singing in the choir.
* Surely “flauty” is the adjectival form of “flute,” though “auletic” is perfectly cromulent. “Flutesome” will also work in a pinch.
I call that ‘wimpy warbling’.
“Auletic ululations.” “Flautsome exflatitude.” “Flutey tooty tunecraft.”
Oh god, I choked a bit on the instant tanning spray.
It’s bad for the throat and lungs. No wonder you choked.
Puck has to use fake tan. If she tries it the real way, she’ll sunburn and her inner true redhead will come out!
Indeed. And we can’t have that, can we?
Unless she uses a tanning bed and load of sunscreen – surely that might work?
Can we really believe that Tracee is not smart (or devious) enough to slap a tanning spray label on a can of Rustoleum?
I have a bad feeling about this . . .
Bad feelings are free here! Take as many as you’d like!
That looks like a shampoo bottle to me…
NOOOO! Don’t do it Puck!
Come back the Ginger side …. we have milk and ginger bread cookies.
Your side sounds good. All they have on the blonde side is celery.
My stylist does airbrush instant tans at $45 a pop. Gives a whole new meaning to my “Han Shot First” tank top. (No, her name isn’t Han. I wish)
It IS a thing. And it sometimes can look okay, but there’s a lot of awful stuff out there which bestows upon people a wonderfully radioactive shade of orange.
Yeah, that’s the home-applied stuff Tracee is peddling. Trust me, Gweneth Paltrow doesn’t buy her tan at Wal-Mart.
Why not just get a natural tan? You get free Vitamin D into the deal!
Well, seeing as she’s specifically trying to AVOID freckles, the real sun would be the enemy here. Unless she is now permanently unable to get freckles. Never really addressed that.
Freckling would be all for the better.
Real redheads (male and female) don’t tan in the sun, they freckle and develop skin cancers, including malignant melanoma. Or are fairies immune to that? W. B. Yeats talked about their “milk white arms” (and feet) in “The Land of Heart’s Desire.” Quote on request :p
I stand corrected…
I remember a VERY hot blonde girl in High School using that spray-on tan stuff…
…bright orange skin was NOT a good look on her.
(I’m sure the stuff works better now.)
NO PUCK! DON’T DO IT!
I personally think blondes look better pale. But lol, I bet Salem’s grateful for the Tracee closeup in Panel 2…
….is it weird that i´m hoping for phoebe, the daughter of SATAN, to come and be the rescuing angel here? surely she doesn´t want her bf to turn out like her dads squeeze!
Not weird at all.
Especially not since Tracee has shown that she’s way more evil than Phoebe ….
That’s not saying much, Rock. An 8 week old Beagle puppy is more evil than Phoebe!
@DLKmusic
REALLY ?
//www.puckcomics.com/?comic=puck-293
I think DLK was referring to Daphne…
@SalemCat: it’s Big cry from clutzy to evil, although, as a cat I’m sure some clutz has stepped on your tail enough times that you might not understand the difference…
@Buggle: Comparing Daphne to a beagle? uhm… I’m having a hard time wrapping my brain around that. I gotta stop thinking about it before what’s left of my grey matter implodes in upon itself!
@DLKmusic
“as a cat I’m sure some clutz has stepped on your tail enough times”
I have no tail.
(Thanks for reminding me.)
So cruel – and at Christmas yet !
(crying myself to sleep – again)
**Scratches SalemCat’s Ear**
Sorry, Salem, I forgot… will this catnip help make us square?
@DLKmusic
Do you think I am so easily purchased ?!
(um, this catnip is pretty good)
Wat were we discussing ?
Fashions change – ALWAYS.
During my Nine Lives, I’ve seen Tattoos travel from very low-class to ubiquitous, to slowly becoming non-hip again (is there anyone who has a grand-ma who doesn’t have a tattoo or two ?).
Tanning is much the same.
I’ve known human women, in their twenties, who sported skin like a lizard’s (no offense, Electric), from excessive Sun.
Today bone-white skin is a true rarity, and, I predict, will soon be a major fashion statement among those capable of it. As it has been before, when the method to achieve it relied on LEAD-BASED cosmetics (brain damage).
Fashion is weird.
I observe many Women-Of-Color who go to great lengths to achieve BRIGHT RED Hair.
Yet most lighter women who COULD have it, naturally, seem to prefer browns and blondes, greens or blues.
Or streakee multi-color.
Much of Fashion remains a mystery to me, but for TWO trends: I predict FAR less Tanning, and FAR less Tattoos.
(within ten years)
And with your wisdom, we will endeavor to be ahead of the times.
In Japan they have a camera filter that whitens your skin.
The lead-free alternative, I guess?
But not very useful for in-person encounters, and many people might find it offensive…
I think I’m turning Japanese I think I’m turning Japanese, I really think so….
https://youtu.be/vGtwMMgaCCk?t=71
@ Mahnarch
This one is even better, with a VERY white Japanese woman, and a Band member dancing about with an extreme retro POLAROID SX-70 photo is his grasp !
https://youtu.be/LR4XNqrqxrU
Wow. That’s a blast from the past.
That song would never fly today. XD
@Mahnarch
You think ?
I find the song simply a bit goofy, and not offensive at all.
If anything I’d hope the Japanese would be amused and complimented by it.
Anyhow, my human pests (pets) took me out to the Food Court this week, where I spied this stunning woman of Asian descent.
http://i.imgur.com/rSOaJHH.jpg
See, EVERYONE looks better BLONDE !
Punch her in the face and run, Puck.
Never has anyone ever given better advice than you just did.
How about “do not moon this angry dog”, “peel pineapples before eating” or “do not feed them after midnight”? 😉
Those are good too.
The voter incentive makes me yearn for a storyline where Puck meets with her relatives from Santa’s Workshop. 😀
I actually sort of had an idea for a Lego Puck comic that ran along those lines.
The horror…The Horror!
i have to ask how did Phoebe take the news of Prince passing away?
Probably pretty hard. Like, ‘out of commission for a week’ hard.
Did she almost die of shock?
awe poor Phoebe 🙁 … Puck would either be weird-ed out or slightly comforting… i think it’s the first one 😀 lol
Re: the Incentive: How can I get those stockings and is Puck tying mistletoe to her capped sleeves because she wants to be kissed on the arms? Kinky!
I question your definition of kinky…
Those are sprigs of holly on her sleeves. Mistletoe looks very different and has NO red berries. If your fake mistletoe has red berries, it’s cheap fake mistletoe.
Holly vs Mistletoe
http://orig02.deviantart.net/c8a7/f/2011/333/4/e/holly_vs__mistletoe_by_hinderence-d4hpz8k.png
Sometimes mistletoe has red berries – the main, key difference lies in the plants themselves and how they grow: see Salem’s handy chart.
My bf (or anybody else) has never kissed me anywhere but on the Eleven Kissable Areas. Anything other than that I describe as kinky
@Susan
For the first time in my Nine Lives I am wavering between TMI (Too Much Information), and NEI (Not Enough Information).
I’m with Salem here… on one hand, your love live is your business, but on the other… 11 kissable areas? I only thought there were 7!
Inquiring minds want to know!!!!
@Susan
And, um, do Human Males and Females both have 11 ?
(and pleeze don’t tell. i’ve decided i don’t really want to know)
1) I’m not saying and 2) as far as I know, human males just have two :p
Time to expand your knowledge a little, Susan…. At the very least, Ears, Lips, and neck are just as sensitive for men as they are for women….
First time a girl started kissing my ear & Nibbling on it, my brain wen’t away and it took two hours for it to come back! Second time, pretty much like the first….
I should expand my knowledge when anytime I kiss my bf in anything but the Two Kissable Areas he says, “Quit that, Susie, it tickles.”?
Only 11? Such a limited perspective. Surely every area is technically kissable…
Not my areas. Wasting time is not a big thrill for me
… and here you are with all of us of all people.
Check and mate, I think.
Banter is not wasting time. It is intellectual amusement while I wait for the centrifuge to quit spinning. Hey it beats readin “Hi and Lois” or “Garfield”
Once again, depends on whom you are bantering with. I mean, look at us.
Double secret check and mate, I think.
What? Is there a place on the Web where Oscar Wilde holds forth with Falstaff and Madame de Stael? You lot will do till I find that site. :p
Don’t play chess with women, we don’t pay off bets and we overturn the chessboard on occasieon
Well, to each their own. And I’m flattered that you find us a worthwhile way to spend your time! I, for one, would never have guessed that the comments section of a webcomic could be such a forum of geekiness and wit, had I not thought to start commenting on said webcomic…
I personally never would have guessed the comments section of a webcomic could be such a forum of wit when the webcomic is as stupid as this one! Though I’m certainly not complaining.
@Gecko; But this strip is the right KIND of stupid to attract intelligent people!
Trust me, there’s all kinds of other stupid!
Pfui, my math geek friend likes xkcd, http://xkcd.com/
which I find unfunny even if I could understand it. Which I did today, but one swallow doesn’t make a summer, right?
Gecko, if we are going down this “Green-Eyed Blonde needs rescuing from evil” path then do realize you have the prefect set up for a “Big Trouble In Little China” rehash with Colin acting like Jack Burton or is that Colin acting like himself. ?
Before the real Hollywood reboot of this classic screws the pooch too !
Sad, sad admission: I’ve never seen ‘Big Trouble in Little China.’
It’s worth a watch. Kurt Russel shows his comic chops as the super-macho hero and Kim Cattrall is adorable. The special effects are fairly cool, too.
That’s what I’ve heard.
Kim Cattrall is in it?
Now I have to see it, too.
[You know; Dr Gabrielle White was the only one who knew David Banner was alive – and what he became.]
You might want to watch the movie, Gecko, after all, I heard that people who don’t end up in the “Hell of Boiling Oil…”
Do it Puck! Orange skin and blonde hair is the way America is today.
It is, isn’t it? (Well, I think it’s better said that orange skin and blonde hair is the way of American TV personalities. I won’t tar all of that great country with this.)
Since we are discussing wit, words of Dorothy Parker: Four be the things I am wiser to know:
Idleness, sorrow, a friend, and a foe.
Four be the things I’d been better without:
Love, curiosity, freckles, and doubt.
Still so wierd seeing puck without freckles and curly red hair
I’m getting used to it. It’ll be weird when they come back!
Of course, that’s the foundation of this whole enterprise as it’s been so far … but let’s suppose … what if they didn’t?
Let’s not and say we did.
Wow. Tracee’s exotic look had a little help I see.
And I don’t know if this was intended by you or not but with every progressing strip, Puck looks less and less like herself. But it could just be all in my head. 🙁
The funny thing is that I haven’t changed how I draw her (aside from the hair) at all. Her face is the exact same, and the freckles are added in post, and the coloring is obviously done on computer. So in terms of line art, she’s the exact same as she always is. But then I get the coloring done and the results are very, very different.
You really hate blonde people, don’t you?
Actually, I don’t. My wife is blonde(ish). I have two blond kids. But the golden-hued bottle blonde look? Well, let’s just say that I can’t help but associate that with a few distinct personality types.
It’s also just sort of evolved into a silly trope in this comic.
Oh Danu…she’s going to be running for president soon…
Well, that IS the next step after the tanning spray.
I say fruits and vegetables should be orange, not people and ancient fairies. 😉
People and ancient fairies need not be orange. All they have to do is go to the Tony and Guy salon at the Dallas Galleria and ask for the airbrush tan. Perf for going on ski trips and day sails.
Or they could NOT do that and be a perfectly acceptable natural hue. That’s fine too. And cheaper.
I can tell you haven’t been on a day sail in the Bahamas and been the only one without a tan. Ewww “Casper, the Ghostly trio are calling…” 😛
No, I have not. I am Canadian. And while there are some Canadians that love the tan, the tan does not rule all up here. I remember reading an interview with Kathleen Robertson, an actress from my hometown, about how she went down to Hollywood, everyone was constantly saying to her, “My God, your complexion is so pale! It’s stunning! You look like a china doll! How do you do it?” And she was like, “It’s called sunblock, people.”
Here she is as the evil queen in Tin Man: https://i.pinimg.com/originals/7b/5e/2d/7b5e2d06f7c9d10fcdfe3a5f73ec479c.jpg
That said, looking at IMDB, it seems as though Hollywood has gotten to her over the years, because her complexion’s gotten a little crispier as the years have worn on. Back in her 90210 days, though, she was incredibly pale. And I, for one, thought she looked amazing.
Well, there’s Niclole Kidman, who has looked like a china doll since she married Weasel Face, er, Tom Cruise. But she is a) tall, b) Australian, and c) rich and famous. Plus, she looks like she could beat anybody up that called her anything but “Nicole.”
I was a big fan of Nicole Kidman once upon a time. Before Cruise Control took over. I will admit that my ‘big fan’ status had almost everything to do with her appearance, but hey. I was, like, fifteen at the time.
You may know that somebody asked NK what the biggest change in her life after divorcing Weas…er, Tom.
She answered, “Well, I can wear heels again.” LOL
Agreed. Though I’m okay with orange hair.
Did anyone else notice that her bag changed colour? It was blueish when she got there, now it’s red.
I certainly didn’t!
Oh my gosh, seriously?!? You’re the creator, lol
Hey man, it’s easy to lose track of these things!