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Puck 144
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Wasn’t it said on the old site that what Colin said is the automatic response to the “has my appearance changed” question? Kinda backfired on him this time.
Backfired! No pun intended…
Doesn’t require being fae or redhead, you’re asking for a possibly crying berserker to feed you your manly parts. Bill Cosby had a few warning tales that have helped avoid the trap where funny and serious instantly flip-flop.
It’s called being a man. Being with a woman. And feeling the pain.
They should have a 1-800 line for moments like that.
“Sir, sir, stop panicking. Here’s what you say: ‘Sweetheart, I think it’s all beautiful, because it’s all part of you, and not only that, part of the life that our love has created.’ …, Yes, sir, I think she’ll buy it, but you *have* to be sincere when you say it. …, Good, now offer to rub her feet. …, Yes! Saved another life!”
But you don’t get a phone call. This isn’t like getting arrested. You have no rights in this situation. No hotline, no lawyer, NUTTIN!
Also, there simply isn’t time. You either answer correctly or automatically. If a woman gives you the time to call a hotline, you’re off the hook already and don’t need said hotline.
Well, if you delay too long, your delay becomes the answer. It’s usually the wrong answer.
The right answer is almost always “here honey, have some wine and chocolate”. Doesn’t matter what the situation is.
The phone call gets made while you’re hiding in the closet, with her trying to break the door down. Of course, by then she’s so worked up that you’ll have to do some pretty fast talking to get her to calm down.
Better hope that dresser you shoved in front of the door holds.
This is a situation where finding pregnant women more attractive is actually beneficial.
I’m not one of those guys. I don’t think pregnant women are unattractive, but yeah.
Why would any male being say this to his pregnant wife?
I’d blame autopilot. I mean, you spend your relationship up to that point answering questions like “Are my hips getting bigger?” and the answer is always “No, no change.” Then bam. The rules change. Smart people change with them. Stupid people get punished.
Pick up the dictionary. Look up the word, “idiot”. See Colin’s picture there.
Right beside Homer.
You need to practice this in advance: she asks the “does this dress make me look fat?” question. You get your pcoket knife out, open the blade, hold it against your wrist, and respond “do you want me to cut my wrist before or after i answer that?”
Good practice.
Actually, I think the doctor looks more like Bernie, from Doonesbury? You know, the mad scientist?
Yeah, I see that. It’s the grey temples. They’re a comic standard, but seen relatively rarely in real life.
Throwaway line from “The Mask”: “Have the finest proctologist in town meet us in the Emergency Room.”
He’s always on hand.
ICK!! CELERY!!! (I’ll never eat it again. Thanks, EG, now I have a good excuse!) 😉
You’re welcome.