Puck, ancient fairy of lore, was in a slothful funk when Daphne (a small, furry urchin child) appeared on her doorstep. Choosing to adopt the tot, Puck then decided that her clearest path to success would be the pursuit of a university degree. Seven years after graduation, Puck is still mother to Daphne, still long-suffering girlfriend of Colin, and still best frenemies with Phoebe – the roommate (quite literally) from hell. Oh, and did I mention she had a baby? She had a baby.
Once a cute yet acerbic tomboy with an acid tongue, Daphne has now blossomed into a cute yet acerbic teenager with a tongue of pure molten lava. She spends much of her time playing video games and avoiding responsibility - often with Colin as her willing accomplice. Despite her young age and sulky outward appearance, Daphne arguably qualifies as the most emotionally mature member of the household. Some debate has raged over the particular nature of Daphne’s species. The best guess is that she’s some sort of terrier-human cross, but no one really knows or cares.
Colin has been dating Puck for ten years – ten years that seem (to all involved) like an eternity. After wasting most of his time playing video games and eating Cheez Wams throughout his university years, he was eventually thrust into the cruel adult world. He promptly obtained a job as a high school English teacher, and is now forced to play video games and eat Cheez Wams only on evenings, weekends and summer vacations.
Phoebe, daughter of Satan, seemed to miss out on all the evil genes of her wicked progenitor. Despite the horns and tail, this she-demon is actually sweet, kind and spectacularly gullible. She lives for glitter, fashion, and all things excessively girly. As Puck’s perpetual roommate, Phoebe has made it her duty to infuse her fairy friend’s life with lip gloss, nail polish and frustration. When banks refused to offer Puck and Colin a mortgage, Phoebe was there to fund their house purchase using the hefty tips she earned as a server at Howlers. Thus, she is forever financially and emotionally tied to Puck’s bizarre family.
Miranda, girl-child of Puck and Colin, is currently an adorable little baby. Can't think of much else to say about her at this point. Favourite pastimes involve pooping, eating and sleeping.
Tyler has long been Daphne's best friend. And at some point, he magically evolved into boyfriend form. Let’s hope he never undergoes a final evolution to husband, for his sake. Though saddled with the name 'Taylor' at birth, Tyler shed that moniker after losing all legal rights to the name during the white chicks' hostile Taylor name takeover of '05. He lived to tell the tale but some wounds never heal...
Tracee is quite possibly the human embodiment of perfection ... if your idea of perfection is really, really trashy and tanned. In addition to her role as floor manager at Howlers, the noted 'breastaurant', she also moonlights as Satan's public relations officer. She's consistently fake, frequently annoying and quite possibly the most evil being in the galaxy, but her cleavage almost makes up for all that!
The infernal Lord of Darkness always sets his evil sights high. After terrorizing students as the president of McNiven university for many a year, he decided to widen the scope of his destruction tenfold. Throwing his hat into the fiendish ring of municipal politics, Satan became the mayor of Hamilton, Ontario and promptly continued the mismanagement and chaos established by his mayoral forbearers.
Hannah VanBeek is the resident 'little blind girl' (LBG for short) at Daphne's school. Her general appearance and manner give her a decidedly innocent vibe, though that's just a front. What lies beneath the mask is ... well, is not innocent. Also she's Dutch. Not sure why that's relevant, but ... she is.
Sigmund has long served as Satan's official lackey and boot-licker. His total lack of visible emotion has led some to theorize he's an android, but in reality he's just really, really boring. Even the wicked new goatee doesn't help much.
The Cabal is a shadowy organization headed by three mysterious individuals. (Their names are unknown, though you can refer to them as Colonel Sanders, Cruella and Fatso if you'd like.) This trio, originally employed by Satan, is a manifestation of evil so dark and sinister it might eclipse even Old Scratch himself.
The mysterious Papa Shnorf is just some dude in a frightening mascot costume, but he seems to channel the paternal Shnorf wisdom of the beloved original character. He's also a huge hit with the ladies.
Emily the Cat Girl is just your friendly neighborhood cat girl. Frequently found in Cy's shop 'The Natty Nerd', little is known of her origins and nature. We're pretty sure she's not actually a cat, though.
Cy (real name Sandeep) is the friendly, slightly sardonic owner of the 'The Natty Nerd', a shop that seems part cafe, part clothier, and part vintage toy dealer. The fact that he lost a leg to cancer as a teen doesn't slow him down, as he now has a cool robot leg that is almost (but not really) as good as a real one.
Once a lowly seller of processed meats, the Hotdog Guy rose through the psychotherapy ranks and now charges crazy money to counsel crazy people. The Hotdog Guy has long served as Puck's somewhat reluctant therapist. Hey, his advice may be bad, but the hotdogs are now free!
Heather MacTavish, evil sister of Colin, lives in Calgary where she and her evil oil baron husband live off the tears of Mother Nature and drink sangria while their Filipino nanny raises their three evil children. It’s a life. She views her brother’s household as a sad carnival freak show of poverty and mental illness. And she may not be wrong, but it’s not very polite of her to openly express such views, is it?
Apparently the only doctor in a town with several major hospitals, this consummate medical professional seems to specialize in multiple disciplines, ranging from proctology to obstetrics. A prime example of the horror that results from mixing idiocy with too much education.
The dreaded Bethany Balmoral is an obnoxious nerd with an unhealthy obsession with Cy. They dated briefly, it ended badly, and she will never let him fully escape the dark shadow of that quasi-relationship.
Colin’s mom is unimpressed by pretty much everything in life, which makes it really, really easy for her to feel superior. She’s unimpressed with her son’s home, his occupation, and above all, his choice of mate. She does give a passing grade to her granddaughter, however, as long as said granddaughter is an adorable baby.
Colin’s dad is a stout, hearty and friendly sort of person – that is, as long you’re white, English-speaking and preferably right-leaning. He lives in Calgary with Colin’s mother, and together they while the hours away passing judgement on other people. (Everyone needs a hobby, right?)
A wry surgical oncologist with a taste for fancy suits, Dr. Plessner is the man who removes tumors with style.
Local mob boss and successful businessman Tony Bruno made his millions breaking thumbs, talking tough and exploiting the 'pregnant chick' niche market. His ill-fated run for mayor didn't go far, but that didn't dampen his chipper Italian spirit.
Your typical unfriendly neighborhood crack dealer and rightful ruler of Crackistan. He's the next door neighbor you'd love to have ... if you were on crack!