MAY VOTING INCENTIVE!!! MAY QUEEN MADNESS!!!
It's May: a month that for some reason has its own monarchy! Get into the season by voting for Puck on TWC! And remember, this idea came from THE PATRONS! Patrons on Patreon who pledge $5 or more a month get a personal say in what incentives are coming your way! If YOU want to put your two cents in, then my HEAD ON OVER TO PATREON and join the select club!
VOTE FOR MAY FUN TIMES!!!
As for this comic…
When everything's going your way, it usually means one thing: complications are coming your way to keep the story interesting.
Puck 388
MAY VOTING INCENTIVE!!! MAY QUEEN MADNESS!!!
It's May: a month that for some reason has its own monarchy! Get into the season by voting for Puck on TWC! And remember, this idea came from THE PATRONS! Patrons on Patreon who pledge $5 or more a month get a personal say in what incentives are coming your way! If YOU want to put your two cents in, then my HEAD ON OVER TO PATREON and join the select club!
VOTE FOR MAY FUN TIMES!!!
As for this comic…
When everything's going your way, it usually means one thing: complications are coming your way to keep the story interesting.
ARGH!!! Midnight worry eyebrows, bane to the post coital, ice cream laden, sleepy male.
The worry eyebrows never show up mid-afternoon. They always happen around midnight like this.
OMG
Robin is going to confess she’d rather be with Phoebe.
Hey – HEY !!
Someone had to go there.
And Someone let me down. (you know who you are)
And now I’LL take the heat.
-1 for Unnecessary Lewdness Involving Phoebles, cat. I foresee another cone in your future
@Susan
Huh ?
All I meant is Robin decided she’d rather have a coffee and muffin with her BFF at HUTCH’S than spar with Colin.
Which would seem to be obvious, given the meager timing of that situation.
(backtrack backtrack backtrack)
You tell him, Susan.
@Salem: “be with” is a slang euphemism for “have sex with.” As I am quite sure that you know well. -1 for disingenuous special pleading. The cone is hovering in the air
@Susan
YOU DOn’t scare me, you, you….
(scurries away and hides)
Whaaaaaat about Satan? And Puck? Satan and Puck? Suck? Patan? Putan? Sack?
Between Susan, Buggle, SalemCat and Myself, I’m not sure which one of us need Psychiatric help the most here… now, if you will excuse me, the voices in my head are talking about me behind my back…
Then you can “pick up” CH’s -1, cat. 😛
@SalemCat
Yeah….my bad dude. I totally dropped the ball on this one. I’m the “SOMEONE,” that was supposed to go there. Thanks for picking up my slack. Who’s a good ? SalemCat! That’s who! Yes you are! You’re such a good ! Here’s a nice fat tuna. AND you get a bonus +69 Tracee points (they’re the only ones that matter anyway).
SO THERE, SUSAN !!
Then you can “pick up” CH’s -1, cat That makes -2 😛
Eyebrows – commonly known as the killjoys of the facial anatomy.
They’re always calling the cops when the other facial features get too loud.
EYE – BROWS ?
Technically, do I lack them, or is my entire puss one single eyebrow ?
Humans fret about the silliest things !
You have a hidden mono-brow.
@Domine Satanas
Ooooooh…
Sounds sexy.
You also have ears and a tail Salem. Eyebrows would kind of be emotive overkill at this point.
This weeks voting incentive: Wherein Puck, Ancient Fairy of Lore, actually looks like an ancient fairy for the very first time!
Well, second time. She did have wings for one of the voting incentives.
Whoa, whoa, Gecko buddy…
You just gave me whiplash!
“Puck, Ancient Fairy of Lore,” is telling us that despite her centuries of living among mortals, she doesn’t know about the role of a May Queen on May Day, or that of the chosen girl on Beltane, or the whole kerfufle to bury the truth about the one within the other in an attempt to banish The Fairy Court she once thoth served most personally, tho chaotically, in ye olden times of aforesaid lore.
So basically your idea of a voting “reward” is to have Puck serve us an ugly bald face lie! Shame on you!
…the ugly lie is supposed to go in the clickbait vote request poster. Please respect the form and tradition that we, your fandom, keep coming back for even though we should know better, by now.
Boy, it’s almost like the ancient fairy of lore IS NOT an ancient fairy of lore…
It would explain some things.
THE FOLLOWING IS NOT CANON, BUT IS A THEORY OF MINE
Many have speculated why there is no overt magic in a comic whose principal character is an ancient fairy.
As a cat, I’ve had multiple lives, and on rare occasion small snippets of them surface in my dreams. This morning was such, and the answer became clear:
It was a fine day, in the early Spring (much like today), when the Three Witches of MacBeth were in the Supermarket, shopping for an afternoon Cookout.
(I was working for them at the time, and was tagging along, scouting for cat-babes. This was before the modern horrors of pet surgery made this moot).
Hot Dog Rolls were on the list, and, as was far too typical, disagreement as well. Winifred wanted White; Mary Wheat; Sarah (who was none too bright) demanded Tofu Bread (which did not exist at the time).
Coming up the aisle was a young Fairy, with locks of fire, and a disposition to match: “Aroint ye Foul Hags ! Stand aside so I may shop for mine morning Catsup ! (Yuck. Ketchup is much better.)
The Three Sisters came to a Full Stop. Here was something they could agree on ! And the rest is History. (It wasn’t really the Foul, or the Hags, that got to them. But AROINT ? Them were fighting words !)
Robin was stripped of her Magic. Perhaps for all time. But wait, there’s more….
Although, as a Fairy, Puck is technically Immortal, part of The Curse is she now leads “Recurrent Lives”.
Puck Number 1 states she is 621, but has only lived 8 years.
It seems she “Recurs” each life at Puberty, and lives each life as a Mortal, recalling only the fact she is a Fairy, her actual Age, and her Name.
She’s likely had a dozen husbands, and dozens of children, but knows nothing about them. It’s a Cruel Curse, indeed.
What the flippin’ heck ?
Baldie (one of my human pets) warned me about this:
Apparently, at one time, Catholic School was successful at instilling a sense of guilt concerning pretty much every pleasure that originated below the waist.
Is Puck CATHOLIC !!!!????
NOW I am really worried about her.
I’m not so worried about Baldie anymore, tho.
The stuff he
forcesconvinces Janet to do would be horrifying, if it were not so entertaining.(yes, the cat has BIG eyes, and he watches)
This is not guilt. Those are not guilty eyebrows. They’re worry eyebrows. As for what the cause of the worry is, we shall find out next week. Is it probably the source of another story arc? Probably.
Wow, okay – random catholic insults and strange warnings about cats… this comic really DOES have everything lol
If the comic doesn’t provide it, the commenters will.
When Puck was born, EVERYBODY was Catholic. In Europe, anyway. So she has inherent guilt. Yeah, I’m Catholic, what else? I tell my priest, I’m not fornicating, I am my bf’s concubine.
@Susan
Oh NO !
More words I’d better not look up.
(I need at least one good night’s sleep this week)
So … standard Catholic practice, then?
How Biblical of you.
@EG. Pretty much. He chides me and gives me like 4000 Paternosters and 5000 Aves and threatens me with a mandatory pilgrimage to Fatima
Please tell that *isn’t* during your definitely-not-fornication…
I don’t
fornicate. I have concubinage 😛I am NOT gonna ask my priest if saying the rosary during concubinal duties is sinful.
Try it! I wanna know whether you can have a heart attack and an anyeurism at the same time.
You can have a ruptured abdominal aortic aneurysm that can drop you blood pressure and causes you to have a “heart attack”. (myocardial infarction) but nonsmokers don’t get aneurysms, (nor do women, by and large. Even smoking women, which I am not). I plan on going out by being run over by a bus, personally
I meant the priest. Is he a smoker?
Don’t think so. I’ve never smelled it on his breath, and I have sensitive nostrils. Cologne, OTOH
Oh dear; is Puck playing “Is That All There Is?” in her head?
No, it’s a little crazier. Wait for it.
Uh-oh. Redecorating? Puck wants to sheetrock the laundry?
(BTW it appeared that the washer is closer to the HW tank than the dry is, which means a little shorter pipe run – always a good idea, and not the arrangement my laundry room has. Also the draintub is right next to the HW tank, so they can share the floor drain, another good design element.)
@rewinn
STOP IT !!
You’re only encouraging the BIZARRO-WORLD madness !
On a serious note, Bizarro-Superman is one of the reasons I fled the DC Universe.
At that point I decided Disney’s Talking Ducks (who also lacked underpants), such as Uncle Scrooge, made a lot more sense.
That is, indeed, the layout. I’m glad you approve.
HINT?!?!?
Only a facial expression can ruin a perfectly good night.
Like boiling water on a snowman.
@EG
Ha !
You’re reminded me of the Nestea Skeleton Snowman Commericials.
COOL TO THE CORE
The funniest Commercials evah ! We used to call him “Frosty Snowbones”.
I’ve got a better one, that can not only ruin a man’s night but also causes instant libido loss. No, I’m not telling (hee hee)
Whether the future will be full of the proverbial interesting times or not, it’s been a nice intermission.
That’s what we live for, innit? The nice intermissions.
Ice cream and sex with a gorgeous redhead would be in my Top 10 Ways to Spend an Evening, for sure!
Same
All right then both of you, I’ll bite.
What are the other 9?
Glad you concur.
Yuck. Doesn’t even make my top 10,000. A sub-three mile marathon and a perfectly done Beef Bourguignon with a Hermitage and poached pears for dessert are duking it out for #1.
*sub three HOUR, duh
Your #1 evening would likely be one of my personal circles of hell.
You don’t like Beef Bourguignon? *innocent*
Sounds similar to how a perfect evening is for my girlfriend and I (replace sex with cuddles).
Now I’m curious why Puck seems worried.
I mean, other than it being about Miranda.
Still though.
WHAT COULD IT BE?
No one knows what’s coming. Except me. I know what’s coming.
Sometimes I wonder if that’s really true. 😛
Sometimes it’s not. But THIS TIME, it’s true.
Hmmm… Worry Eyebrows… Did Someone forget birth control again?
No. It’s definitely not that. NO MORE BABIES!!!
@DLKmusic
No, no, NO !
EG promised us not another Pregnancy Arc.
More likely Robin realizes while Col and her were getting “down & dirty”, something crawled into her ear.
(and it laid eggs)
EW! NO!
@EG
So many NO‘s today.
Pretty much like every nite under the sheets at Robin and Col’s house.
Except for that single time the Centipede came to stay.
Nine Months later:
Col: Half Human, Half Fairy, Half Centipede, Half Washing Machine. What should we name
him,her, IT ?Robin: Let’s see: Multiple Legs, Twin Antennae, Segmented, Proto-Wings, 16AWG Extension Cord ….
Krauli ? Droolgo ? Slimer ?
The “Thing”: FEED ME !!!
No.
@EG
You’re right.
As rewinn suggested, KENMORE is the only name that is truly appropriate for a Human/Fairy/Centipede/Appliance Hybrid of uncertain sex.
Sex and ice cream. Weren’t you cold, Colin?
One is warm; the other is cold. I’d say the experiences balance out.
One makes you pregnant and ruins your life, one makes your butt bigger. Yep, about balances out 😛
It doesn’t ruin your life if you’re actually *wanting* kids…
@Buggle
“Some” people even think they “want” a CAT !
Hee hee hee hee hee……
Oh, wait.
Yeah, we’re totally adorable.
Hee hee hee hee hee……
@Buggle: Have degree (check) Have steady job (check) Have father who would love for me to move in with him (check) Have mother who would love for her to move back in with her AND wants grandchildren desperately AND has no siblings(check) Doesn’t mind loss of abdominal muscle definition and/or stretch marks, loss of sleep and libido and interference with training for next marathon (UNCHECK – Deal breaker!)
Well, there’s a lot of post-natal exercises you can do to get all that back… Except for the marathon training. And the sleep thing. And I’m not sure you would be able to help the libido problems.
But what’s wrong with stretch marks? If your boyfriend is worth keeping, he shouldn’t mind… Esp. with what you would have had to go through to get them/a kid.
HE wouldn’t mind. I would mind. A lot.
Dairy Queen. Hot eats, cool treats. The eyebrows are saying that subconsciously that she knows the pinpricks she felt on her back was from centipedes trained to attack humans during coitus for submitting subliminal commands to help overthrow the mayor’s office in favor of the number three Chinese restaurant in town. Thus paving the way for North Korea to open an embassy in the basement of city hall, thereby allowing McDonald’s macguffins to be illegally exported to Pyongyang through the abuse of diplomatic scrutiny.
That is really, really complicated. Your mind is a fascinating web of fear.
@pat
” in favor of the number three Chinese restaurant in town “
EGG ROLLS !
I wonder what happens next to Puck and company.
After something like that, another child.
The Gecko said No.
You know what that means? Lots and lots of sex, and no condoms!
@Buggle
He’s not their Boss !
@Salem: Actually, he is
Wait, if Gecko is their God, does Satan know he exists and is waging a (albeit slow-moving) war against him?
He already is. He is just losing
There’s value in simplicity. Ice cream and sex with the woman you love is a pretty good standard for “perfect evening”… if you gloss over that the sex had to happen in a bug infested laundry room. But no one has to know about that except Colin, Puck, their creator, and all the thousands of fans whose viewership turned into creepy voyeurism last strip.
Hey, who are you calling creepy?!? (Looks around.) Oh.
@EG
Are you one of those so-called DRY-SKINNED lizards, or do you prefer SLIMEY ?
(so sorry. too personal. never mind I asked)
Slimeys are not lizards. They’re newts and salamanders.
@Buggle
So EG is SLIMEY ?
Yucky !
APOLOGIES
Geckos are NOT slimy.
All previous reports that indicated otherwise were FAKE NEWS.
However, neither are they fluffy (poor things).
Whether they are TASTY is another matter.
FUN FACT
Geckos are closely related to the COMMON GARDEN SKINK.
(Which sounds vaguely like an insult. At least to me.)
I dissected a salamander , Necturus necturus IIRC, in Comparative Anatomy lab (which I aced *smug*), and it wasn’t slimy. Kinda formaldehydey, actually, like the shark and the pigeon and the cat.
@Susan
“I dissected a salamander , Necturus necturus IIRC, in Comparative Anatomy lab (which I aced *smug*), and it wasn’t slimy. Kinda formaldehydey, actually, like the shark and the pigeon and the CAT.”
Aieeee !!
@Susan
Susan: “I dissected a salamander , Necturus necturus IIRC, in Comparative Anatomy lab (which I aced *smug*), and it wasn’t slimy. Kinda formaldehydey, actually, like the shark and the pigeon and THE CAT.”
THE CAT !!!
THE CAT !!!
AIEEEEEE !!!!!!
Hey, it was a course requirement. And it was already dead. They used to periodically poison the feral cats that hung around the school cafeteria. I didn’t name mine, though some did. Sentimentalists
And besides, if you keep cats, then knowing what’s in their guts can help you take care of them.
Susan: “It was a course requirement. “THEY” used to periodically poison the feral cats that hung around the school cafeteria.”
My MOM was a FERAL !
(sobbing)
Hey, I just turned four. Mommy might still be alive. For all I know I might have some younger siblings !
Let’s see…. (cat doing math on his paws)
From the Internet: Cats typically reach Puberty at about six months old, and which point they are able to lay eggs.
These eggs are collected by a Bunny, who, in a symbiotic relationship, dresses them up and “hides” them so as to entice Predators into “finding” them.
After consumption, the egg grows within the Host’s chest cavity, and within several days, bursts out and scurries away – functional, but still a juvenile.
Mommy, who has remained close by, is then re-united with her flock, who she nurtures by re-regurgitating masticated rodentia into their maws.
The entire cycle takes no more than a fortnight (also known as a Deci-Gaggle for those of you focused on the Metric System).
Oh, the Wonders of Nature !
Funny, the preggers cat my lab partner dissected showed no trace of rodent. Just little kitties
Susan: “Funny, the preggers cat my “lab partner” dissected showed no trace of rodent. Just little kitties”
SUSAN KILLED MY MOM !!!
HAHAHA!!! Dude, you said that your mom masticates rodents! It’s funny because MASTICATE sounds like another word that would have far more humorous implications if a cat did it to a rodent.
Wait…… Wasn’t I gonna take a vacation? Must’ve missed my train.
@CH
I have no idea whatsoever what you may be referring to, as my “POINT” count must be very low right now, and I must toe the line as best I can.
Still, glad to see the “Bread Crumb Trail” led you back.
And don’t fret, as you know far better than I, there is always another Freight coming down the line.
I have been trying (for the last hour), to convince EG, for an upcoming Voting Incentive, to cast either TRACEEEEEE or Phoebe as the Marvel Universe AURORA !
She’s Canadian, five feet tall, speaks French (and English), and retains TRACEEE’s actual Hair Color.
Wow wow wow.
Of course her “Back Story” is patently ridiculous (what Super Hero’s isn’t), but who cares ?
THIGHS RULE !!!
Dude, no one knows what Tracee’s real hair color is. No one. And no one ever will. I don’t think even she knows.
Fun Fact: Rats need to masticate on a regular basis to avoid serious health risks. Indeed, rats face potentially life threatening consequences if they don’t masticate on a regular basis, therefore mastication is an important part of a rats life. The same is true of humans. Many people masticate three times a day. Some masticate more frequently. In fact humans often gather with friends and family and masticate together. People frequently masticate in public. Excessive mastication can lead to serious health problems though. So please, masticate responsibly. I know I do. ; )
@EG
There was a CARPET & DRAPES moment HERE, in which many loyal Pucksters understood as an expose of TRACEEEEE’s actual hair color.
(pardon all the CAPS. but like the word “Cheese”, her name is a word that forces the speaker to smile. A lot. 😛 )
No, there wasn’t. Those were undies.
I kinda hafta agree with you, Marduk. Being with someone you love who is trying to make you happy is a pretty good definition of perfect evening.
Strip away all the fluff, isn’t that what we all want, deep in our core? (the question is rhetorical in case anyone decides they want to answer with “I want Pamela Anderson”)
Pamela Anderson? Really? Well, that was revealing.
To be fair, she was the most prominent sex symbol of an entire generation. I still find Heidi Klum incredibly attractive, although I’d literally walk across her to get to Scarlett Johansson if that would work.
I was never a fan. Ever. Her weird proportions, which somehow dictated the concept of female attractiveness for a long while in the 1990’s, never really worked for me. (You can sort of tell that Tracee is a slight riff on the Pamela archetype, though admittedly I’ve toned down the exaggerated body type a tad because, well … I can’t bring myself to draw THAT crazy.)
Pamela Anderson was never my cup o’tea, but I will admit that when I was a teenager, I was SOOOO in love with Lynda Carter it wasn’t funny… And there for a while I was willing to crawl across a mile of broken glass for Halle Berry… That stopped though when I realized she might actually ask me to do it, and would STILL reject me!
Lynda Carter, yes. Halle Berry, yes. Pam Anderson, not so much. Though most of my ideal women were in their prime long before my birth: Peggy Lipton, Diana Rigg, Julie Newmar, Caroline Munro, etc. Something about that era was just inherently sexier.
Then there was Mathilda May in the utterly bonkers Life Force …
That movie is GLORIOUS. Mainly because of Mathilda May, though.
I asked my bf who his ideal entertainment women were. He said 1. Me (he finds me highly entertaining) 2. Ingrid Bergman 3. Grace Kelley 4. Lynda Carter
So that tells you a lot about what age group we are dealing with
I support all of your boyfriends’ choices. Though I support the first one mainly because I think it’s just wise on his end.
SO FLUFFY!!!! You’re forgiven.
I’m glad. Cuz it gets less fluffy from here on in.
Is FLUFFY a Dog-Whistle for some sort of horrible Human/Centipede Hybrid ?
:/
Hmmm…maybe Puck is wondering if Colin was thinking of some other beautiful woman during their love-making? Maybe the woman she just accused him of kissing in her dream? That has been known to make a significant other show the ‘worry’ eyebrow in my experience. Even the down-right hostile ‘how dare you’ eyebrow. Colin’s in for a rough ride if that is what’s going on here.
@Brantford
(channeling Susan): Another woman ? Such a mundane reverie is an affront to the stereotypical Puck aficionado, whose quotidian level of extravagant depravity is of an entirely divergent dimension.
(what the hell did I just say ?)
I think it would be a lot funner if, during lovemaking, you call your partner the wrong name. Then instantly make a do-over, with ANOTHER WRONG NAME. Then maybe a third.
Your partner will obviously then conclude you are intensely desirable to the opposite sex, and will be flattered that you have chosen them as well.
Well, that is how it works in the Cat World.
That’s actually a likely and reasonable cause of eyebrow worry. Though not the case here…
So, if they have another kid (the most plausible cause of eyebrow mischief), does that count as baby number two or as baby number three?
NOBABY! NO!!!!
Oh crap.
Robin is worried because she finally realizes MAMAGROW-MAN is coming for his due.
HER FIRST BORN !!!
(Buggles will not approve of this turn of events. EG, retreat while you can !)
EG: “NOBABY! NO!!!!”
You heard it folks.
Miranda is leaving.
Canon from EG.
Tho I hope he changes his mind….
I think you have it nailed. Can’t wait to see.
That’s because Miranda is a toddler. She has hair. She pulls up on her crib rails. Can dashing out the door naked be far behind?
@Susan
“Can dashing out the door naked be far behind?”
Umm, Are you talking about Phoebe ?
Purrrrr……
I believe “Miranda” was the third word in my reply, and the only proper noun. That makes it clear that all pronouns refer to her. -1 for wilful obfuscation involving Phoebles and a further -1 for grammatical inexactitude.
@Susan
(sigh)
How the heck do I have ANY points left to lose ?
Someone must have been handing them out like candy !
Oh Dear.
Perhaps there was an issue with some “equipment” in the Laundry Room.
And now Robin plans to call the MAMAGROW-GUY and ask if he has branched out into helping MALES with their (ahem) “stuff”.
All caught up now. Too bad I don’t do updates. See you all in 6-12 months.
@CH
Noooo !
Well, if you are serious, make certain you drop some Bread Crumbs so as to help you find your way back.
Almost forgot.
May the Fourth be with you.
“If there’s a bustle in your hedgerow,
Don’t be alarmed now,
It’s just a spring clean for the May queen.” Led Zeppelin, as sung by my bf
Don’t ruin this man’s high, Puck. He doesn’t ask for much
He is a simple man of simple joys.