MAY VOTING INCENTIVE!!! MAY QUEEN MADNESS!!!
It's May: a month that for some reason has its own monarchy! Get into the season by voting for Puck on TWC! And remember, this idea came from THE PATRONS! Patrons on Patreon who pledge $5 or more a month get a personal say in what incentives are coming your way! If YOU want to put your two cents in, then my HEAD ON OVER TO PATREON and join the select club!
VOTE FOR MAY FUN TIMES!!!
As for this comic…
So some might sense that this is going in a decidedly different direction than many might expect. It's not 'going all serious', exactly, but perhaps it's going more ... I dunno. Grounded in reality? What follows (over the next story arc) is heavily inspired by events that occurred to me. So yeah. A little more verisimilitude than normal for this goofy comic. But please know that this is not going to fall into the infamous Ctrl+Alt+Del trap. There shan't be any horrible tonal whiplash here. And I'm going into this story arc with a few distinct intents. For one thing, I think it'll be an interesting 'growth opportunity' for the characters. And for another thing, I think it'll be funny.
I really do.
Puck 389
MAY VOTING INCENTIVE!!! MAY QUEEN MADNESS!!!
It's May: a month that for some reason has its own monarchy! Get into the season by voting for Puck on TWC! And remember, this idea came from THE PATRONS! Patrons on Patreon who pledge $5 or more a month get a personal say in what incentives are coming your way! If YOU want to put your two cents in, then my HEAD ON OVER TO PATREON and join the select club!
VOTE FOR MAY FUN TIMES!!!
As for this comic…
So some might sense that this is going in a decidedly different direction than many might expect. It's not 'going all serious', exactly, but perhaps it's going more ... I dunno. Grounded in reality? What follows (over the next story arc) is heavily inspired by events that occurred to me. So yeah. A little more verisimilitude than normal for this goofy comic. But please know that this is not going to fall into the infamous Ctrl+Alt+Del trap. There shan't be any horrible tonal whiplash here. And I'm going into this story arc with a few distinct intents. For one thing, I think it'll be an interesting 'growth opportunity' for the characters. And for another thing, I think it'll be funny.
I really do.
CANCER
That’s it.
Bye Bye to your junk, Colin.
(Sorry. I’m just not over realizing Susan killed my mom)
Hydrocoeles are also a thing.
@Shan
I am NOT googling that !
It’s very illuminating.
Well, we shall see.
Just remember guys, do regular checks on the boys. You can even use this to get your ladies if you have them in the mood. I mean said lady probably has a myriad of issues if checking her man for cancer puts her in the mood, but you still get lines like, since you’re down there.
Not very romantic.
SCROTUM
Somebody had to say it !!
Well, then, they really won’t have any kids together.
It doesn’t have to be testicular carcinoma. If it transilluminates, it could be a hydrocele. If it is sore it might be a testicular torsion, If it reduces, it could be an indirect inguinal hernia. Even if it is testicular carcinoma, you’ll just lose the one involved. Courage, Colin!
There you are. Medical wisdom!
@Susan
Or it could simply be a CENTIPEDE BITE.
Or maybe the Centipede simply crawled IN.
Just like THIS FISH.
Um, there is no way that a centipede could crawl into the sac-of-boy-residence. It does not have one of the Seven Male Orifices. The only communication between the urethra and the testis is microscopic. 😛
@Susan
Well, obviously it’s a microscopic centipede.
Well, a microscopic centipede wouldn’t be much to worry about, would it?
But, anyway, “The smallest centipede in the world called Hoffman’s dwarf centipede ( Nannarrup hoffmani ) measures 10.3 mm (0.4 in) long and has 41 pairs of legs.” http://www.guinnessworldrecords.com/world-records/smallest-centipede
Hardly microscopic! 😛
I think Puck will try to get Colin to go a doctor to find out why he’s unbalanced down there.
@Greg White
Well, you know, it’s Canadian Health Care.
So, it will be “take an aspirin and call us in a decade ?”
No, no it will not.
*Obligatory acknowledgement of the superiority of the Canadian health system.*
@Greg White
Robin is always one to pinch pennies, and she already knows a “Doctor”.
Maybe next time she visits, Colin can tag along and THE DOCTOR can take a look ?
That “Doctor” is extremely experienced with “Sausages”.
ACK!! just ACK!!!
One can never get Beyond Thunderdome.
It’s a challenge for the ages.
It’s worth the visit to your local library.
Ok.
As CH just granted me a generous bounty of TF’s (Tracee Points), I feel free to ask: Did Robin discover this situation digitally or orally ?
(I AM in trouble now)
Ow ow ow ow OW !!!
(anticipating the blows. oh crap, wrong simile.)
Note that the dialogue specifically didn’t touch upon such a matter. So let’s not dwell upon such unseemly details.
Note that the dialogue also didn’t not NOT specify. Did she take the situation in hand, so to speak? Either way this will need to be HANDLED with a delicate touch.
@CH
As the actual, experienced professional that she is, I am certain SUSAN would not be offended if we suggest that PHOEBE offer a SECOND OPINION.
(ow ow ow ow ow ow)
I’m confident that you are correct. Not getting Phoebe’s opinion on this matter would be criminally negligent.
Did it possibly occur to you that while pregnant for all of these years, they haven’t had sex, so anything discernable would be something that would stand out more to Puck than it would to Colin. As he’s usually looking at them from what would term upside down, where Puck would have a more realistic point of niew. Puns not intended.
-1 for the sexually fantasizing cat. 😛
@Susan
I still have some Points remaining
………
@the cat: Who said you didn’t? All I’m saying is that you are rapidly losing them 😛
@Susan
If I bring them to a romantic little restaurant, and ply them with wine, perhaps they will be encouraged to multiply ?
I’d hate to run out.
I don’t think you do.
@EG
They’re right here !
………
I don’t want to know what’s going on down there. Let’s hope it nothing serious.
@Bunmi
I’m certain it’s nothing that a SHARP SCAPEL and Chemotherapy can’t remedy.
*wince*
It’ll be okay. Colin just used the male equivalent of MammaGrow™. He should have read the warning label on his jar of MANAGROW!!™. He really should know better though. I mean he WAS there when Puck experienced the negative side effects of that stuff.
@CH
Hah !
As usual the MAMAGROW product did not quite live up to expectations.
It made SOMETHING larger !
Just not the something Robin was hoping it WOOD.
@CH
Oh, I get it – MANAGROW !
(snicker)
Well then……ummm…….
Here’s to hoping your intentions here are benign.(see what I did there?) CHEERS! I guess?
Sorry…. not much in the way of cancer jokes in ComedyHobo’s toolbox. Not alot of comedy here.
On the other hand, cancer could be great as long as it happens to the daphne….horrid little creature.
@CH
Hmph.
You’re awfully cheery.
Of course you’re not the … the one …. who just realized his MOM was dissected !
(wahhh wahhh wahhhh WAHHHHH !!)
Hey, that was my lab partner that dissected that pregnant female, not me. And that was in 2003, kind of a long lag period. 😛
GASP
This explains why Salem behaves so erratically! He’s brain damaged from the formaldehyde!
@Buggle
It’s so nice of you to even offer me an excuse for my – “behavior.”
If Colin goes under THE KNIFE we might even have to do another ROAD TRIP to Hamilton together, you know, to keep the poor dear company while he recovers.
AND .. to hawk some more SHOTGUNS to the local Drug Dealers there. We did pretty well last time.
And they were only common Mossberg’s, not the expensive Benelli’s Susan is so fond of !
You sure Colin would thank us for our company? We’re not exactly the most comforting pair…
@Buggle
Shhh….
We both know we’re really there for the $Profit$.
(Colin is doomed, anyways.)
Hmmmn, I wonder if Daphne could be trusted to aid us in
Gun-Runningaiding the unfortunate ShotGun-Deprived community of Hamilton ?@Salem
The Daphne Bashing Unit does not look kindly on those who aid, abet, or otherwise associate with the daphne. Nor does Our Lady of the Golden Tresses, The Bronze Skinned Goddess, She who is called TRACEE!!! She Who Is Without Flaw has commanded that all of thy Tracee Points be confiscated as punishment for contemplating ANY association with the daphne.
Take care thou flippant feline, lest thee anger Her further.
@CH
P-Shaw I say – P-SHAW !
TRACEEE knows full well the value of a Dollar, even a Canadian Dollar – which is pretty much Monopoly Money.
Do not insult her by assuming she has any scruples.
SHE IS SCRUPLESS !
(is that even a word ?)
Psssst – “without scruple”
And I’m sure Daphne would try to take over our operation anyway, so she’s too much of a threat. Let’s leave her out of it, Salem. (And let’s not risk the zealots taking the last of your Tracee Points)
@Buggle
Yeah, Daphne would grift us. And US, just honest, everyday
GUN RUNNERS“Travelling Merchants”.Anyhoo, I was talking to a Russian Blue, name of Boris.
And after much VODKA, he readily agreed to help me HACK the Lizard’s Points.
Now I’ve plenty.
……………………………………………………..
@Salem
@Buggle
Tracee has revoked ALL Tracee Points.
Susan is now the sole arbiter of points.
Which is odd considering that Susan doesn’t even like Tracee.
Go figure.
@CH
Maybe TRACEEEEE revoked your points, (and I cannot imagine why she would), but as PRESIDENT of her Fan Club, I still have plenty.
I’m granting you a few. It’s simply Fair Play.
…..
Use them wisely.
It’s because I know the TRUTH about what happened when Tracee and Heather got drunk at the Hamilton Inn that night. Every time she tries to oust me, I threaten to put that video on You Tube “recommended for Satan”. 😛
@Susan
Wow !
Just imagining that scenario is such a TURN-ON.
Ten TRACEEEE Points for you !
……….
I hardly think she’d consider that blackmail – I think she has him so completely under her thumb, she’d trick him into acquiring a fetish for it.
@Susan
OH NO !!!!!
My Russian Blue pal BORIS has taken a closer look at the TRACEEEEE POINTS we hacked from EG.
IT WAS A TRAP !!!!!
Many are not TRACEEEE POINTS at all – THEY’RE FRECKLES !!!!!
Discontinue ALL USAGE Immediately !
(And Susan, keep a close eye on your nose. Freckles are an insidious species. and tend to re-appear just when you believe them eradicated)
Nothing a lá Lance Armstrong?
I’m sorry. I think I meant to say, ‘Strong arm’s yer lance.’
@Buggle. You don’t understand. They were collecting money for the Little Sisters of the Poor from door to door. Tracee wouldn’t want that getting back to Satan
I stand by my previous statement.
@SC
I’m sure mumsy dearest was a fine SPECIMEN.
Nothing to get all cut up about. ‘: /
Damn, CH, that’s low!!!!
If I didn’t like SalemCat so much, I would wholeheartedly approve…
mommeee….
Aw nuts!
DG
I see what you did there.
*blinks* do i detect the aproach of a serious topic here?
ok, it doesn´t have to be real cancer, maybe a good-natured tumor that nonetheless makes it necessary for col to loose one of his ‘boys’….THAT could be the material for quite a few jokes. seriously, guys and their junk! mention vasectomy *once* and they cry like babies…..
Honestly, yeah, it’s along the lines of what you describe. Nothing too heavy. Just a little bit of heavy. With a large amount of stupid thrown in.
Fatty corpuscles from sitting down whilst instructing on Super Mario World’s denizens?
Unless you find the idea of a vasectomy appealing, like I did most of my life, and finally had done when I was in my late 20s.
I was wondering where you had disappeared to.
@pat
It’s nice to have Hitokiri back, isn’t it ?
Haven’t had many comics that I’ve found the need to comment on, is all.
Well, I appreciate your continued presence, whether silent or loud.
Making this funny while addressing the topic may be a challenge.
But it’s a ballsy move!
I see what you did there. But I am always up to a challenge.
Col is going to die, and then Phoebe and Robin will become an “ITEM”.
It’s 2017 after all.
I am SOOOO gonna write a fanfic about THAT.
“The bereaved Robin sits on the couch shedding tears of grief when she feels a light touch on her shoulder…….”
@CH
I am so diggin’ this…
It’s as if you’ve never read this webcomic at all every single week, isn’t it?
Remarkable.
No. But I leave that alternate reality up to you and your fan fiction.
@EG
Hmph … (giggling) – ALTERNATE
Hmph … (giggling) – REALITY
Garg. I vomit. -1 AGAIN
Admit it Gecko, this is Payback for grossing you out with the aunt flow jokes during the dream arc, isn’t it… You still haven’t forgiven me!
@DLKmusic
Are not we all grateful no pics are forthcoming ?
Okay. I finally found what immediately popped into my head when puck talked about the smaller one riding the bigger one. This is the comic that lead me to Puck.
http://drmcninja.com/archives/comic/3p48/
Colin should make an appointment.
Colin should definitely see Dr. McNinja. What with the supernatural element in his town, a little ninja help might be just the ticket.
Funny, I thought of this shirt: http://shirtoid.com/57636/visit-bartertown/
I’ll admit I’m a bit confused about the Ctrl+Alt+Del trap; I know there’s a webcomic called that so I’m confused if you’re referring to a trap related to THAT or just the generic “you’ll want to murder the author through your computer screen by attempting to use that method.”
(Also a Warcraft III joke, I recall.
“For the end of the world spell, press CONTROL, ALT and DELETE”).
I am a bit worried about Colin but we’ll see how it’ll go for him in the end.
I’m talking of the webcomic. In which a goofy slice-of-life comedy strip took a turn for the grim and serious, leading to much frustration from the fans. In the world of webcomics, it’s a fairly famous debacle.
That was when I quit reading it, IIRC
im sorry i dont. Susan? Robin? i mustve missed something…
also i bet the arc goes the route of a sitcom cliche, wherein colin is led to believe something is wrong, possibly through a doctors misdiagnosis, only to find out in the end that, no. nothing is wrong at all!
Micheal Moore says Canada’s healthcare system is a joke.He points this out in SICKO.
MM (“the ugliest man in America”) should know. Takes one to know one 😛
That’s totally uncalled for.
Oh it’s very called for. The dude is a liar for money.
Are you sure you want to go down that particular rabbit hole?
Funny, I remember that quite differently.
We are talking about Colin’s testicles, aren’t we? ‘Cause they’re the only thing on Colin “down there” that would be two, right?
Yes. Yes we are.
I could’a sworn I posted a joke here yesterday. Too raw for you guys?
A little raw for ad networks,with some phrases that could get me flagged. Nothing personal. It’s just that Big Internet Brother is always watching.
I might try it out at my next union local meeting. They doubt my ability to handle blue material.
There was an interesting* Reddit AMA with a guy who had two fully functional sets of equipment, so to speak. So it’s not beyond the realms of possibility that on occasion, there are more than the one thing down there.
Diphallia – The more you know! (the more you’re kept awake at night …)
*I use this term advisedly and with caution when it comes to Reddit …
Ahhh…
The wonders of Genetic Engineering !
Yeesh, cancer. As someone who had someone on BOTH sides of my family who dealt with/is dealing with cancer (my paternal grandpa died of prostate cancer, and my mom, who is still alive, had a tumor the size of a basketball on her stomach), this is a serious topic to me.
I trust that Gecko will treat it with the gravitas it deserves, keeping the humor appropriate if things get worse, but not getting TOO far away from the nature of the comic itself.
That said, since this is loosely based on his real life, I can’t blame him for wanting to inject some humor into the situation. My mom said that humor was the only thing keeping her sane when all she wanted to do was burst into tears.
With that in mind, Gecko, this storyline reminded me that I haven’t done a self examination in that region in too long. So kudos in reminding me of my own health.
Hey, here I am, providing public service announcements.
Aww, it’s just epididymitis, you big baby. Ten days on antibiotics and you’re A okay.
To expand on that, the fact that half the time I requested chlamydia and gonorrhea tests on patient’s urine came back positive meant I wasn’t testing for those conditions enough times.
I’m sure Colin doesn’t have that, though.
Eeek !
This isn’t a testicular cancer arc, isn’t it?
Eeek !
@Buggle
Officially it is “One of the Boys”
Psst, Buggle ole friend …. can you lend me a POINT or three ? I’m running mighty shy.
no
I got two points I can throw your way, SalemCat… I was planning on saving them for a rainy day when I could say something really sexist and stupid, but let’s face it…. I’m too big of a chicken to spend them!
Here ya go old buddy, spend them wisely!
@DLKmusic
Sexist AND Stoopid ?
Those are my forte !
Thanks buddy !
Aaaannnd… the points are spent as soon as received….
****sigh****
That’s a double negative. I have no idea how to reply.
“This isn’t a TC arc, isn’t it,” is a double negative, which, according to the eighteenth century grammarians, would make it “This is a TC arc.” But my college literature professor taught me that double negatives are mere intensifiers, as in “I ain’t doin’ nuthin’ about it,” which means,”I am not doing anything about it, for sure.” So the original statement would be, “”This REALLY isn’t a TC arc, is it?”
This is where being able to edit our comments would come in handy.
I meant to say: “This isn’t a TC arc, is it?” (please don’t be)
@Buggle
We can’t edit our comments, but we can repeat ourselves ENDLESSLY.
We can’t edit our comments, but we can repeat ourselves ENDLESSLY.
We can’t edit our comments, but we can repeat ourselves ENDLESSLY.
(I suppose that’s not really a good thing)
@Buggle
Nah, EG promises NO CANCER. Just Stoopid.
So I’m going with the theory that a Centipede crawled in and is building a condo.
I didn’t promise anything.
They could be removed.I forget what the operation is called.
Surgical removal of the testis is called an Orchiectomy.
(CRINGE!)
Yeah, I have never thought of orchids the same way, since.
I have assisted on several. It’s hot hard (for the surgeon). Kinda boring for the help (me and my friends the surgical nurses)
@Susan
Once again Susan feeds my Night Terrors.
HERE THEY ARE !!
(shudder)
My night terrors are all about gaining weight and shin splints. 😛
My night terrors are filled with the horrid creature known as “Daphne.”
@CH: I can see how a nightmare about an emotionally abusive felon who looks like a dog-girl and admires her own tush would be horrendous.
I must defend her, by saying that I find her amusing. I can’t say that anything you said isn’t true, but I do think she is funny, and has her own good side.
@Buggle
Are you talking about Daphne, or …… Susan ?
(or both !)
No, because 1) I am not a dog-girl (though some of my enemies would quibble about that) 2) I do not admire my own tush (it’s too flat). As for emotionally abusive, wellll…
@Susan
Oh Susan !
I was responding to Buggle: “I must defend her, by saying that I find her amusing. I can’t say that anything you said isn’t true, but I do think she is funny, and has her own good side.”
I would never suggest you were a Dog-Girl.
And I’m not really sure how any of the things Buggle posted could apply to the Jackal.
Amusing ?
Funny ?
Good Side ?
Applied to Daphne ?!
No No No
It DOES apply to Daphne, and I STAND BY MY PREVIOUS STATEMENT.
@Buggle
(ouch)
So the pet name for Colin’s junk is now officially Master Blaster. It’s both masculine and hilariously embarrassing.
AND Highly appropriate considering Master-Blaster’s proximity to “Undertown”
@Marduk
@DLKmusic
Hee Hee Hee
(I’m giving you BOTH five points each)
Not my points, though.
I found EG’s secret Stash.
…………………………………….
I wonder if Puck and company has ever seen Smallville.
Kryptonite appears in all 10 seasons.
@Greg White
No.
They don’t have Cell Phones.
hahaha! I was eating Sunday dinner after church with my bf, and he asked me, “What is going on in that weird comics comment section of yours?”
I told him, and he spontaneously came up with this (edited) limerick:
There was a young man from Devizes
Whose b(oy)s were of different sizes:
The one was so small,
It was no b(oy) at all,
But the other one won several prizes.
😛
Nice. I like that.
A cunning linguist.
@CH
Someone had to say it !
(glad it wasn’t me !)
He’s a surgeon. He knows the female anatomy. Why do you think so many girls want to marry doctors? 😛
What does the female anatomy have to do with linguistics?? As for why so many girls like doctors, that’s a simple question with a simple answer. Greed. They like money.
SNICKER
SNACKER
lol this read has me thinking about ERASERHEAD for some reason but I’ll take the Mad Max wink B-)
Eep. The less I think of Eraserhead, the better.